Do you ever get cold in air-conditioning? I do. I’m barefoot and my toes are cold right now. I feel ridiculous when that happens. It’s just silly, isn’t it? Too hot outside yet chilled in the A/C. What a great problem to have.
Whatever we do, wherever we go, whatever we do, every moment is each it’s own unique experience. Although it might appear as if things are the same, day after day, after day, each moment in time is really quite different. Just for the fact we are aging every second of every day we live. It’s always the first and last time to have a moment. Did you ever think about that? I never did until today. Dian Griesel’s book, “The Silver Disobedience Playbook,” spoke about that today. She does make me stop and think now and again. When I stop to “consider” something she’s written, I check the impact it has on me. I want to be that kind of writer.
I want to be the kind of writer people can resonate with; a beacon for someone who feels alone. I have been that someone in my life. I hope I could inspire someone to keep going, to never give up, and to value themselves enough to know you deserve better in your life. You deserve to be valued, you deserve to be respected, you deserve to be heard. The worst times I felt like a doormat, were the times I laid there and let someone treat me that way. What a harsh, hard reality. But it was my reality. No more. Not ever again.
And I won’t beat you up for slipping back into it. In the beginning. You need to get used to being able to speak up. You need to get used to saying, “I matter.” Yes, I’ll back you at first. But if you get to the point five years later you’re stuck in the same spot and not realizing you play a part in the problem, we’re done. It takes a lot of practice. I’ve done that very thing myself. When you’re finally sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will take the bull by the horns and put yourself where you need to be – first.
Sometimes, it’s impossible to think of ourselves. Maybe we weren’t raised that way. Maybe someone or some institution led us to believe we should serve everyone else first, and ourselves last. That logic is fatally flawed. We have to be full in order to fill others up. We cannot run on empty. It amazes me we are just now coming to that place.
There are female comedians who laugh about, “I Mom SO Hard.” On the surface, it’s funny. But they really believe themselves. What is being a Mom? Is it endless chauffer duty? Is it not getting enough sleep? Is it drinking herbal tea or chai lattes?
It’s none of those things. Don’t think you can count living in the car. You decided to do that. Harsh? Maybe. But if you’re not having a minute of time left in the day for your husband or your parents or, you, something needs to go! Once you really figure out what that most important thing is, it might be too late. I had one idea, did my best, and sometimes your adult kids accuse you of not doing what they needed? It’s tricky. Most of the parents I know did way better than their parents did. And it still wasn’t what their kids needed. All joking aside, you can believe in your heart you’re doing a great job, and you find out you didn’t.
All any of us can do is the best we can. Once you learn, you’re obligated to be better and to do better. And if for now, you think you “Mom so hard,” ok. I hope you have time for corrective action before you get the surprise of your life. Being a Mom is the best and worst job in the world. The tiny baby who needs you and smiles at you the first time is often the same child who as a teenager hates your existence. You can’t win. And that “being a friend,” is for a kid’s aunt. Not their Mom. There is no play book for this. You can end up with your heart broken into a million pieces. I hope not.
The one sure thing I can tell you about motherhood? There is no one thing. Your experience will be unique to you, your family, and your kids. And memories fade. Yours and theirs. Communication is essential. All this said, I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. My kids are three of the four best things that ever happened to me. The Babe is the fourth. This part of life is wonderful right now. And It will continue. Every unique second of it. Take care of you and those around you. Choose to be happy and kind. Choose to be firm yet fair. There is plenty of room for all of us. See you tomorrow.
Kathy Raabe 