I Could Accept Everybody Else’s

Vulnerability — But Not My Own. (Mae L.)

This was me. I was first in line to offer an ear, a hug, a meal, whatever someone needed, I was there to share what little I had. I was a fixer. Especially for people who might have addictions or excesses. It was part of codependency. Not a good trait when looking for a companion to share your life with.

Once I learned that and consciously decided to stop, I met the Babe. I knew he was a good guy, and I trusted my friend Carla with her description of him. And he didn’t drink. Very funny. Nice guy. And he saw through my walls. (Brick by brick, he removed them. Quite the analogy when you consider he was in the concrete block and brick industry. That year, their marketing department had t-shirts that read, “Building Our Future Together.” How applicable. And ironic! I still have the t-shirt.)

The walls I built to keep me safe. Isolated. I thought, “No one will hurt me from here!” The Babe is the last person those walls needed to be standing up for. He told me, “I just think you’ve been hurt so much you don’t know what to do when someone has no intention of hurting you.”

What? My brilliant disguise is transparent? Slowly and surely, he just kept showing up and doing what he did to earn my trust. Never did I have to wonder what was meant by “I’ll call you.” I never had to wait and wonder when. He’s the first man who called often. To tease me, talk to me, ask how I was. We became friends first. It was wonderful.

The first time he told me he loved me, I said, “Oh, no, you can’t. You don’t really know me yet.” His response? “Yes, I do.” I never expected to be loved. What a vulnerability. No more. I’m so grateful. Honesty, nothing to hide, and a man of his word. Is this heaven? Why, yes it is. My battered heart healed and is beating strong. Our relationship is so very good, there will never be another one like it. There is only one Babe for me.

Today, I met my son Frankie for an early birthday breakfast. We tried to go to one restaurant, but they were jam packed and had a long wait. We went back to a place we’d been before, and I ordered something I’d never had before – a breakfast burrito. It was gargantuan! Half of it is in the refrigerator for tomorrow’s breakfast. I will order this again, it’s that good. Shirley’s Diner never disappoints.

We had such a nice visit. Laughed about a lot of things when our little family was broke but happy, just the four of us; me, Frank, Nick, and Becky. I miss the good times but not the bad ones. And now, they’re all out contributing to the world around them. Frank lives in Omaha, Becky in Ft. Collins, CO, and Nick in Kansas City, MO. So lucky to have the Babe at this stage of my life.

It’s been a long but good day today. I hope to blog earlier tomorrow, and grow that habit. Maybe until NaNoWriMo is over the end of November I should keep blogging in the afternoon/evening. It all counts towards my daily word counts. Decisions will be made when they need to be. Not tonight. Have a great evening, and we’ll see each other tomorrow. Thanks for reading. Let’s try and get to #1000followers!

Hump Day!

It’s been an awesome, plain old day today. We didn’t do anything out of the ordinary, and we didn’t do anything special. It was a glorious day, and we were in the same house, each doing our own thing, and we’d check in with each other throughout our day, me in the upper level, him in the lower level, and checking with each other in between. This is what partnership, marriage, and life with your best friend is. Normal, everyday living, with breaks to visit and see how their day is going. I love it.

When we picked Addison up, the Babe took a little power nap while I read. He woke up just as she approached his truck. I asked Addison if she remembered when she and Gavin were over, I was changing Gavin’s diaper, and Grandpa was asleep in the chair, snoring. She immediately picked up the thought, saying, “And Gavin started fake-snoring just like Grandpa was real-snoring? YES I DO!”

I laughed so hard. I told her, “I thought of that while Grandpa was taking a nap while we were waiting. It was so hard not to laugh and wake him up!” We had a great laugh, and my heart was warmed through and through.

My heart was warmed by the history this girl and I have. That includes Grandpa, of course, as he is part of the bond. I look at the tall, intelligent, caring, loving, beautiful girl we’ve seen grow up from a little baby, and we’re blown away. We’ve played, walked, gone out for ice cream, read books, colored, played games, gone to dance recitals and competitions, and sat through dance class rehearsals. It’s all gone so fast.

I cannot imagine what this young woman will decide to do with her life. Right now, she wants to be an OB/GYN. She is in AP classes, and I say that’s amazing. Stay tuned!

Life is so very good. I hope yours is, too. Taking the risk of becoming who you need to be for you to live a life full of love, fulfillment, and living is so worth it. You notice things you’ve never seen before, and oh my gosh, every minute becomes so sweet. It’s just awesome.

Take care, we’ll see each other tomorrow. Be safe. Get those flu shots and COVID boosters. It may be a tough winter. Let’s beat all the bugs! And keep the babies well.

CPAP Adventures – Part One.

Who else out there have a partner – spouse, significant other, friend w/benefits who snores?

I don’t mean a minor snort now and again. I mean lock the doors and windows, batten down the hatches, and hold on for dear life snoring. Yes, you know what I’m talking about.

My dad snored. At home, we all slept with our bedroom doors open, until we got in high school. You could hear Dad, but he worked most nights, so the family (and our mom) didn’t have that noise except two nights a week.

When the Babe and I first met, we were both in our 40s, and pretty fit and trim. He just quit smoking six months before. He didn’t gain weight until we really got together and he ate regularly scheduled meals – having dinner every night, either cooking or going out. Before me, he ate one meal at lunch, complete with gravy most days, bread, all the works. He and his buddy Doug (born the same day, two years apart) would lunch together every day. They were a pair! Lunch, complete with gravy, and Keno every day. It became a costly lunch in several ways.

Anyway, back to the CPAP. Does anyone else out there have a spouse (etc., from above) who can snore with a CPAP machine on? The Babe can. Even though he’s getting the extra air flow, he can still emit an earth shattering rumble. Is that normal? I don’t think so.

Every night, he leaves it off until I tell him, “You forgot your mask, Babe.” He mutters something like, “I think I can skip tonight.” I reply, “Nope, not if you’re sleeping with me.” He complies. Are we set? No.

Having two dogs, one elderly, they need to go outside a couple times a night. The Babe gets up as often, so he gets up with them. I’m awake at the ruckus, taking off the mask, waiting for it to stop blowing air, and the moving around. I don’t wake entirely, but know what’s happening.

Back to bed is stealing my covers until I protest, putting the mask back on, telling old dog to jump up, then it’s back to sleep.

Until last night. After one of the nightly visits to outside, I heard a “clunk.” Asked the Babe, “Did your CPAP fall off the nightstand?”

“NOPE!”

Next outside trip? The mask comes off, I hear a loud, constant rushing of air, along with gurgling. It never stopped. The Babe put it back on, the gurgling continued. He took it off. Semi-peaceful the rest of the night.

This morning? The Babe sheepishly said, “I guess I was in quite a fight with my CPAP last night. It did fall on the floor. When you overfill it, it gurgles.” When you drop it, water gets in the hose, too. Mystery solved.

CPAP fights. Who knew? Lots of things happen during the night while we sleep. It’s a deep, dark underworld out there. I have no clue where to get your tickets for it. I suppose it’s like the Fight Club, you don’t talk about it. So Shhhhh!

We’re officially at #934 readers. Help a girl out! Help me get to #1,000! I’m counting on you to get on my reader list by following me, and you’ll be notified whenever we publish another blog! And with all my big things coming, you’ll be the first to know! I appreciate you all so much, please know how I enjoy having you here. We’ll see each other tomorrow.

Faults v. Virtues

When you think of yourself, what comes to mind first?

“I could lose 30 pounds.”

“I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

“I’m a terrible Mom.”

As a child, we’re often taught not to talk about our abilities. “Don’t be conceited,” they tell us. “It’s not polite.” Especially for a girl. I remember reading in a Catholic Girl (was that the title? don’t remember for sure) Magazine, it was stressing the duty of the girl to remain “pure” in mind, body, and heart. Part of the duty was to praise the boyfriend, and be his lovely assistant in everything, to know their place. We didn’t hear “Good Job!” every time we did something. Some of us were told a “B” wasn’t good enough, it should have been an “A”.

Wow, that was the late 50s and early 60s for you. No more. We weren’t supposed to be smarter than the boys, or stronger, or better at doing anything. Wow. There are many very intelligent women, strong women, who are the best at what they do. How sad we were instructed to dumb ourselves down. How can we live fully is we pretend to be less than what we actually are?

I, for one, hadn’t a clue what I was going to do with the rest of my life after the kids grew up. I didn’t want to hover over them, after all, you have them to send them out into the world. I loved my kids to pieces, and knew I was happiest with them. I couldn’t keep having kids because I didn’t have a life plan.

Making the decision to go to community college was the best thing I ever did. Having a lot of interests made it a little harder to decide what to do. I decided on Medical Secretary. I earned a certificate, but found a job at ConAgra. Lots of on the job training by observing a huge business working. It was amazing.

I took many business classes and was finally offered a programmer trainee position if I completed a certification program for a year. I would have been crazy not to do it. It launched me way further than I could have imagined.

By learning I had value, talents, abilities, I experienced a lot of growth as a person and in my career. I finally knew I did a good job. While I think kids may not need constant praise, I believe some is needed. Too many wounded adults are walking the earth. Many others don’t realize they are. We need to learn to accept our virtues and talents. Otherwise we can be overwhelmed by our faults. Those two sentences from Robert G. Coleman leapt of the page at me this morning. So many of us spend time tabulating our faults. We need to tally our virtues. Take some time doing that today. Do it every day. Be fair. You will discover your worth.

Self deprecation can be funny, we need to laugh at ourselves. Taken too far, it’s not good. It’s only recognizing part of ourselves. We need to recognize all that we are in order to become all we can. Don’t let your faults define you and your legacy. Start today. Appreciate yourself. And make it a habit.

Have a beautiful day. It’s lovely outside in the shade. Going to check the plants now. Be safe. See you tomorrow.

Super Saturday!

What a beautiful bride we celebrated yesterday! My cousin’s daughter Alyssa married Bryson yesterday, and it was a perfect event. Holy Ghost Church in Omaha is where the ceremony was. The bride’s family had lots of memories from there. Weddings, funerals, baptisms, confirmations, graduations. Six cousins in that family attended school and Church there for over 50 years. I still have such a happy heart today from the experience.

Part of why I feel this way has to do with the COVID-19 quarantine we have experienced. After the unrest of our lives in the first half of this year, it makes us appreciate family in a ways we haven’t yet done. The stories, the funny things that happened as kids, they all make life much more full. And sharing them with the people who helped create those stories is a joy. I’m laughing at some stories as I’m writing, and am grateful I have all the cousins we have to reminisce with.

In about another month, some of those cousins will again gather to lay another cousin to rest. We have lost one to cancer. He fought it for years, and it finally took him. It will be a sad day for his brother, sister, kids, and other closer family members. All of these descendents of the Fab Four Bobell Sisters will love and support each other through this event as well. We are now the elders of the tribes. Our moms were stubborn women, yet we knew they loved us in their own special ways. My mom is the only one left of the Bobell Sisters, and we know someday, she too will be gone. More stories, more love shared.

Yesterday, the Omaha Public Schools released a change (already) to the school year. Instead of starting next week and being in person, it will be delayed another week and be all online. No, it wasn’t something the Superintendent did on purpose, I’m sure if the cases in Omaha/Douglas County had not skyrocketed in the past week or so, the school year would not have had any changes. I would think there will be other districts in the area who follow suit, but if not, carry on. The kids are very important, and we must teach them how to cooperate with the way things are even though we don’t agree. We all learned that very important thing growing up, it helps society be more cohesive. Give and take is in order. From all of us, not just kids/teachers/parents. Let’s be a good example.

Yes, there is.

For today? I’m listening to some tunes and writing. Updating Chapter One. I think once the missing component is found (within me), it will go smoother and quicker. I don’t want to do a poor job. I want to be proud of what I produce. Just like practicing years and years to quilt, yes, here I have to practice writing until I get it. Won’t give up!

Thank you all for reading today. Go hug a cousin today. Or at least call them and catch up. It’ll do both your hearts good! I’ll see you again tomorrow. Stay safe. Distanced. Masked Up. Washed Up. All of it. Let’s show COVID who’s boss!

Photo by Cecu00edlia Tommasini on Pexels.com

A Toast to Cousin’s Today!