Saturday. Reflecting and Remembering.

So, a year ago, this happened. I forgot about it yesterday, but the header photo is of something I have on my window sill above the sink. It’s my reminder of Lenny and Kris and of happier times.

It occurred to me, a year from now, all those grieving the loss of someone right now will be in a different place. The tricky thing is to not let grief make you bitter, retreat into yourself, or worse yet, never speak of your loved one. Mom didn’t want to hear us talk about Dad when she was around. She became angry. We knew Dad wasn’t a saint, but we were not allowed to grieve as a family. It was eye opening when we finally figured it out.

Another thing that helps me heal from anything is music. It heals my soul, which is improving daily. I’ll go back and forth, it’s normal. Some days you feel relief they’re not suffering anymore, some days you’re sad you can’t see them anymore. Let your good memories get you through. And music.

Janet was in the choir at Immaculate Conception Church. She enjoyed that, and said, “My mom always told me singing in church meant you prayed twice.” That was long after I left the area. I believe the words to songs can be prayers for your healing. It’s why I listen sometimes all day long. If I’m low on energy, the Music Channel folks have such variety, I like Jazz or Smooth Jazz. It is usually rock and roll, classic R & R or local artists.

How lucky, the Babe and I have tickets to another Billy McGuigan show, this one: Pop Rock Orchestra. Remember, back in the day? You could hear the orchestra in the background of most songs. Strings and horns add so much to guitars, keyboards, and drums. Try it, you’ll love it! I know a lot of great music will envelop me tonight, like a giant hug, and I’ll feel better. The hard week we just finished will be a distant memory, and we’ll be stronger again. We’ll have new things to tackle this week. Music is the cure for much of what ails us. C’mon down to Sumter Amphitheater tonight. Starts @7:30 p.m.

Have a lovely evening, I know I will! See you tomorrow.

It’s Over; and Just Beginning

Today was my friend’s funeral, burial, and funeral luncheon. Ethnic groups, such as the Polish, German, Italian, Irish, and whoever else, always had a huge, hearty lunch. South Omaha tradition dictates and ensures you will not go away hungry. We didn’t. The DAV (Disabled American Veterans) Hall did not disappoint; nor did Mama’s Pizza, who catered delicious Pasta.

Since my friend’s husband called Saturday to inform me his wife passed away, life has been so different. We had lived a thousand lives since then; we have had a million memories since then; and today, reality hit. We will never see our wife/mom/aunt/cousin/niece/friend again. Not until whatever you believe eternity will be.

The Babe and I have had many discussions about what we as individuals want when we pass. We’ve agreed on some things, other things will have further discussion. We need to write these things all down. Our time will come. Children don’t want to guess what we want. We need to tell them.

Many things open opened our eyes with this loss. We’re probably not too far behind. Or maybe one of us? No, we never know for sure. But from now on, we need to be ready, just in case.

Make those lists for our families; talk with people who will plan our funerals; maybe even pre-plan them ourselves; then the kids won’t need to do anything. That will be great for them.

And now, my friend’s family has to get used to life without her. Her husband and kids can no longer call her for advice, to just say hello, or tell her they love her. I experienced that with my dad back in 1988. Mom ise still living, and she’ll be 93 in a matter of days. As her executor, I’ll have a lot to do. It will be the time my brothers and I become orphans. I’ve read about those feelings, and expect we will feel the same.

Tonight? I’m grateful to have had Janet Nichols as my supporter, cheerleader, and friend for the past 43 years. We all were. We need to figure out how to carry on, and we will. Even though we may not like it. Such is life. I pray to make the most of mine, however much time I have left. It’s all we can hope for. Make an impression as a positive while you’re here.

It’s late, and we’ve had another long day. Please be good to each other; have a beautiful rest of the night and make it a good rest of the week. Be kind to people; take care of each other. None of us know when we’ll be called home; try to live each day as if it’s your last. Bless all of you, and know how I appreciate your support. We’re getting a lot of followers, and I’m delighted about that. See you tomorrow!

The World Has Lost, Again.

Yesterday, another call came we were expecting, but of course, hoped would never come.

Our friend passed away yesterday from ALS. Janet Lorentzen Nichols, friend to everyone, and my strong supporter when I was divorced (and before) succumbed to this horrible disease. Her husband, Don, was with her constantly the last months, as she slipped from walking to bedridden, talking to silence, and into a semi coma. By luck, I stopped and saw her Friday, telling her goodbye with a kiss on her forehead. Don is a rock, but a realist. Being a retired Firefighter, a Battalion Chief for the OFD, he knew the steps a body makes toward death. He called me Saturday afternoon. I didn’t expect it that quickly, but I was glad for all of them, her pain and fight was over. And now, ours begins.

Who is included in the group ours?

Don, her husband of over 50 years; her sisters (she was the baby in the family), numerous family members, nieces, nephews, in-laws, her two sons and their families, her daughter and her family; and lastly, but in abundance, all the friends she had. It would not surprise me if she, as an individual, touched thousands of lives during her lifetime.

I met her in 1980, as we had kids the same ages. Frankie and Janice (different grades in school), Nick and Donnie, Becky and David. We became fast friends. Back then, there were not many stay-at-home Moms in our aging neighborhood. The houses and long-time residents were all younger than we are now, so it was great to add a young woman as a friend, for both of us.

We added sidekick Kathy Snell along the way. Kathy babysat a bunch of children, and was mine when I got divorced and starting working. She and Janet were besties as I lost touch, moving into a different neighborhood and world. In those couple of years, between 1980 and 1982, we walked our babies hundreds of miles in their strollers as the older ones walked; spent time at the then-new Lynch Park at 23 & Martha Streets in South Omaha, made countless Zoo visits with picnics, made hundreds of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches together for the kids as we visited, talked, and solved the world’s problems. It was good to have a friend my age. It was a blessing to have Janet as a your friend.

We reconnected in about 1995, after a motorcycle accident took their son-in-law Dan and critically injured Janice. It was the day of Donnie’s high school graduation. It was also my birthday. I saw it in the newspaper, a little blurb on an obscure page, and my heart went to the family. They have endured so much as a couple, a family, and grandparents.

Two things stand out in my memories of Janet. First, she could talk faster than any other human being on earth. And never take a breath. I was still horribly shy then, so if and when she did take a breath, I’d add my two cents, then she’d continue, talking and setting the Guinness World’s Record for human speech. I believe she could out talk an auctioneer at a livestock show.

Second, Janet loved to cook. As the kids grew up, she worked as a lunch lady for the school systems. She would get to know the kids in line, many having her love and concern because she was that way. She loved you and was concerned. I’m sure some may have never had someone love them just for existing. She loved making food, sharing it, and showing her love with it. Those lucky kids. Hot lunch every day made by someone who put love in as the main ingredient. We were all lucky.

Later, she worked in Douglas County Child Support Enforcement. She learned Spanish so she could help people who did not speak English as their primary language. That is love and dedication, at work. That was how Janet lived her life; serving others. What a good friend, woman, and citizen.

As my the Babe and I sat on the deck this morning, the clouds came, a brief shower, clouds parted and eventually, it became sunny. Now it’s extremely hot. I thought about Janet and her first morning in heaven. I wonder what that was like. She’s probably not finished yet with all the reunions, and I’m sure she’s asking God all of her questions. All of them.

When we heard the cardinals singing, the Babe and I looked at each other. She was telling us to be sad, but don’t stay that way. Grieve, but keep living. As all of us left here without her, let’s tell all our Janet stories to each other. There are some great ones, I know. As long as we keep her spirit alive, she’s still with us. And that’s how it’s supposed to be. We don’t tell stories or blog to get attention for ourselves, but to honor the lucky one in this situation – Janet Nichols. RIP. Thank you for being our friend.

Life Is Hard Sometimes.

And it’s not fair a lot of the time. And it’s hard to not fall into negative thinking. Especially when you see someone fall ill with a horrible disease called ALS. My friends Janet and Don are traveling this road since Janet was diagnosed a few years ago. In the past month and a half, her condition has worsened dramatically, which is hard to see.

She and Don have been married over 50 years, and have three children. I’ve been friends with them since my first marriage, and that was so long ago. We’ve kept in touch and remained friends all these years. It’s so hard to see this horrible thing happen to such good people. They both worked hard, fulfilled their obligations, went to Church, and would give you the shirts off their backs. Good, salt of the earth blue collar people.

Janet still remembers people, and has a winning smile that warms your heart. Her talking is limited, and you can tell she’s thinking. Don still teases the heck out of her, but is serious when it’s warranted. It’s a great example of commitment. He’s pretty modest about it, and brushes it off as what everybody is supposed to do. Lots of people would turn tail and run. Or be angry. No time for that. Don’s goal is to keep Janet comfortable for as long as possible. It’s just what she would do for him if the situation was reversed.

Sobering as this is, it is still hard to see such good people hurt by this. The disease can happen to anyone; it can be genetic or environmental or neither; it can begin early or later; it robs the patient of dignity for sure. How it selects it’s victims I don’t know. How it hurts the family shows in their tired eyes, their slumped shoulders. They carry on, they go throughout the days, one the same of the next. Their exhaustion grows.

All I can do is continue to visit and break up their days; they have so many friends to visit. Janet deserves that. She has always been a good friend to others and it’s beautiful to see the folks coming to visit her today. She deserves this. Don deserves this, too. Visiting will continue, no matter how long she has left. With the decline in the last three weeks, it’s anybody’s guess.

The other thing, I can pray for comfort for Janet, and strength for Don’s soul. And continue to visit. When all else fails, give the gift of your time. It’s the least we can do. Take care of each other. Keep each other safe. We are all on borrowed time. Love one another while we can.

And let’s care about what really matters. It’s not the Kardashians, Depp v Heard, or TikTok. It’s people and love and promises kept. It’s families and grandchildren. Learn what’s important, and hold it near to you. Have a beautiful evening. See you tomorrow.

Shiny, Happy, New Monday!

After the last month being schedule-crazy, I have the entire week free until Friday. Mom goes to the eye doctor then. I am free to add in whatever I want to do. I am visiting a couple friends from way back in the late seventies. I’m looking forward to it.

Until visiting later today, I’m going back to writing first thing in the morning. The day is far more productive. Friends, we cannot often gauge how quickly we’ll change a bad habit. It is said it takes 21 days. So be it. It should take me until around my birthday to make progress towards changing the bad habits I’ve fallen back to.

I’m grateful to go visit friends who have played an important part in my independence as a single Mom. Janet babysat my kids whenever I needed her. I’ve always been grateful for that. Our friend Kathy was my main sitter, and Janet helped whenever she could. Her husband Don was an Omaha firefighter who offered support and encouragement when he could. I love the fact we’ve remained friends all these years later. As a couple, they’ve always been first to offer help. Good people, we need more like them.

None of us knows what our future holds. Health or illness? Work or rest? Gains or losses? The older I become, the more I know things can change so quickly. In 1995, I went from being healthy and basically fit to nearly being bedridden in one short week. A tumor in my spinal canal was crushing the spinal cord. The pain was something I will never forget.

The weather was chilly and drizzly yesterday. We enjoyed Netflix and meals from HelloFresh. I enjoy cooking so much more with tastier food. Let me know if you’d like to receive a complimentary box. No joke, there are no strings attached. Let me know by FB Messenger what your email address is. Thank you!

I’m going to organize some stuff, then visit my friends. It’s a hot summer day according to the forecast. I’d appreciate some more spring non-windy days, but I’ll take what we can get. Have a beautiful day and we’ll see each other tomorrow.