Today, Monday, November 7, 2022 is my son Nicholas’ 47th birthday. I hope he has the best day ever. Celebrate the gift of you, my son.
(Written Saturday, November 5, for NaNoWriMo).
I think communication issues are important to deal with, in everyday life, relationships, and business. We all could do a better job of telling others what we need, what we’re afraid of, what we will do to help someone else out once in a while.
There is only so much we can do communicating with someone who doesn’t want to. It requires a desire to communicate, a willingness to listen, and to understand. If we do our part, and they don’t do theirs, the fault lies with them, not us. As long as we know we’ve done all we can to communicate, we were as clear as possible; we had a concise message, and were reasonable with our delivery, we cannot be responsible the breakdown. It’s always sad when we’re misunderstood with no hope of resolution.
At that point in a relationship, where communication is nonexistent, something needs to be done. Staying is a decision, and often not the best one. You may think you’re doing it “for the kids,” but the dysfunction in the family dynamics will affect the children and lead to more dysfunctionality in future generations, if there is one. Many children decide they don’t want families, not realizing the breaking the chains is possible. I know because I’ve done it.
I do not mean this to bash my parents. They provided very well for all of us and did the best they could. People during that era not only worked where their fathers did, but lived their lives as their parents did I’m living proof that doesn’t have to be.
I’m also living proof that making a break and questioning how it’s always been can be very lonely. When you do things differently, it causes unrest in the status quo. People may ask you why you won’t do things their way. The best answer is, you choose to do things differently. Dysfunctional people will often criticize your choice to not do what worked for them. They may gaslight you.
A common response is another angry rant. “You think you’re so smart, you think you’re so much better than I am . . .” And so it goes. They don’t realize their absolute control is an illusion. They are used to steering outcomes to where they think there are fewer disturbances made. And here you go, making waves. How dare you?
In my experience, life is quiet. And quiet can be good if you’re used to being told what to do, how to feel, a steady litany of what you do wrong, and that you’ll never amount to anything. Slowly, you can invite people into your inner circle who will communicate with you, who will value you, who will encourage you to be your best, who you are to be. Stop hiding your light under a bushel basket. Share it with those who will appreciate it. Your chosen family can differ from your family of origin. It’s more common than you think. Just remember, you are not alone.
Have a great rest of the day, and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.