Oh dear. When I was growing up in the 50s and 60s, girls weren’t supposed to be bold. That was taken as impolite back in the day. We couldn’t question anyone, since our fathers, mothers, teachers, and anyone else knew what was best for us. And, if you didn’t marry by about 25, you were destined to be an Old Maid. Sad, eh? Oh, and when you got married, the man was the head of the house, and you were the heart. Wow. Well, I didn’t make a good choice in husband, and I found a voice and disagreed with his decision making. About everything. Money, kids, everything. I wanted to get a job at a doctor’s office. He laughed. We went to counseling. We got divorced. I got a job, an education, bought my own home, and have had a very happy life.
It was the first time I chose to be bold. I could no longer be passive. It gave me a terribly nervous stomach, muscle spasms in my gut, and the feeling I would throw up all the time. Stress. Everyone’s friend. That stopped when he moved out. Ah, peace at last.
Of course, there were other stresses; money, visitation, all sorts of things. And it all worked out. What I loved about it was no one was questioning, arguing, poking fun at my decisions. It was peaceful. I could breathe again. I became better at making choices in everyday living and I gained confidence and energy. It was a lot of hard work, and worth every bit of it. I am a grateful woman.
It does take courage. It also requires patience. Patience with yourself, your decision making skills, your development of those skills and others, and the navigation needed to change your route when needed. I never thought about it that much before, but it was brave, and hard, and lonely. I’m so grateful. I learned to recognize opportunities and later learned to create my own opportunities. God led me to a wonderful life.
I like to share that growth process with people now. I’m not describing situations I’ve experienced to gain sympathy or place blame. I describe it because I remember feeling as if I didn’t belong; funny thing was, I didn’t. Still don’t. But now I know why. It’s because I’m the one to break the curse, the tradition, the same way of doing things. I have different attitudes about everything than my mom does; it’s part of why we clash. She tries to make me like her, I resist. Always have. I need to be me. It will always be that way. I think a great deal about how what I say may make someone feel. No, it’s not my job to preserve their feelings. I do, however, need to be kind and sensitive.
I had a visit with my friend who had the stroke a couple month ago; she is home and seems to be doing quite well. I’m so glad for her. I’ll see her more often now. I miss seeing her every week like we did before. Probably since about 2013 we’ve seen each other once a week. It won’t be like it was, it’ll be a new way. We had square donuts. There is honestly a place in Omaha who makes them square. Actually a good idea, four extra bites. Nothing to turn your nose up to.
It looks as if it may rain again this afternoon. I feel a tiny nap coming on. Just enough to clear my head. Hope you have a great rest of the day. See you tomorrow.