Faults v. Virtues

When you think of yourself, what comes to mind first?

“I could lose 30 pounds.”

“I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

“I’m a terrible Mom.”

As a child, we’re often taught not to talk about our abilities. “Don’t be conceited,” they tell us. “It’s not polite.” Especially for a girl. I remember reading in a Catholic Girl (was that the title? don’t remember for sure) Magazine, it was stressing the duty of the girl to remain “pure” in mind, body, and heart. Part of the duty was to praise the boyfriend, and be his lovely assistant in everything, to know their place. We didn’t hear “Good Job!” every time we did something. Some of us were told a “B” wasn’t good enough, it should have been an “A”.

Wow, that was the late 50s and early 60s for you. No more. We weren’t supposed to be smarter than the boys, or stronger, or better at doing anything. Wow. There are many very intelligent women, strong women, who are the best at what they do. How sad we were instructed to dumb ourselves down. How can we live fully is we pretend to be less than what we actually are?

I, for one, hadn’t a clue what I was going to do with the rest of my life after the kids grew up. I didn’t want to hover over them, after all, you have them to send them out into the world. I loved my kids to pieces, and knew I was happiest with them. I couldn’t keep having kids because I didn’t have a life plan.

Making the decision to go to community college was the best thing I ever did. Having a lot of interests made it a little harder to decide what to do. I decided on Medical Secretary. I earned a certificate, but found a job at ConAgra. Lots of on the job training by observing a huge business working. It was amazing.

I took many business classes and was finally offered a programmer trainee position if I completed a certification program for a year. I would have been crazy not to do it. It launched me way further than I could have imagined.

By learning I had value, talents, abilities, I experienced a lot of growth as a person and in my career. I finally knew I did a good job. While I think kids may not need constant praise, I believe some is needed. Too many wounded adults are walking the earth. Many others don’t realize they are. We need to learn to accept our virtues and talents. Otherwise we can be overwhelmed by our faults. Those two sentences from Robert G. Coleman leapt of the page at me this morning. So many of us spend time tabulating our faults. We need to tally our virtues. Take some time doing that today. Do it every day. Be fair. You will discover your worth.

Self deprecation can be funny, we need to laugh at ourselves. Taken too far, it’s not good. It’s only recognizing part of ourselves. We need to recognize all that we are in order to become all we can. Don’t let your faults define you and your legacy. Start today. Appreciate yourself. And make it a habit.

Have a beautiful day. It’s lovely outside in the shade. Going to check the plants now. Be safe. See you tomorrow.

The Three C’s: Cause, Control, Cure

In dealing with other people, I’ve read it’s important to keep these three C’s in mind:

You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.

Wish I’d known this years ago. In my codependence years, I thought if I was just “better” I could make Mom happier. Then she wouldn’t be so upset at everything all the time. I stayed in my room a lot, to be in the quiet. And through life, there have been those less than good relationships with the same cause (codependency) where I truly believed if I helped them, they would want a better life. Nothing is further from the truth.

I’m talking boyfriends, relatives, friends, many folks who just seem to need something they don’t have. Truth of the matter is, they caused their problems; controlled them; and they were the only ones who could cure them. End of conversation. Nothing was my fault. As a parting shot, many a codependent boyfriend tells a girlfriend like me, “It’s your fault. You’re a nag. Gained weight. You think you’re better than anyone.” Nope. Not buying it. Never again. Their excuses and addictions are the product of their poor decisions. Nothing else.

So, what can I control? Not much, but for my mood, thoughts, actions. You know, the usual. I’ve written I’ve been off all week. Maybe I found a cure. I sewed together 42 beautiful quilt blocks this morning. There are six rows of twelve each. I’m trimming threads and going to press them later. Then, they go up on the design wall downstairs in the “bedroom.” I’ll show you tomorrow. Truth is, I was losing my hope. I could have worried about the grandkids all over the country. Instead, I did something I’ve been missing a lot. Want to re-sharpen those skills up before beginning my grandkids’ quilts for Christmas.

I am doing something positive and my heart feels better; less burdened, more hopeful, and happier. I didn’t cause this. I cannot fix it, nor can I cure it. I can only do what I can do to heal my part of it. It’s really all any of us can do.

Of course, you’re entitled to opinions of what we should do. We’re not entitled to be hostile towards each other because of it. Let’s all work at making our part of the world kinder, at least for a while. Thank you for reading. See you tomorrow!

Strengths v. Weaknesses

There was always that inevitable question in a job interview; “nesses,What are your strengths/weaknesses?” I never liked that one. Do they still even ask such a question? There is an age-old phrase; “Tell me your strengths and I’ll tell you your weaknesses.” For every plus, there is negative, it’s the balance of life.

Some folks are highly intelligent and seek to resolve their problems quickly. Quick fixes usually work for them. Until the frustration sets in. Deep down, weaknesses crash again with quick fixes. Quick fixes do not last for personal development of kicking bad habits or addictions. Highly intelligent people look down on those of us who may not get it the first time. They judge us as not too bright, lesser than they are, and their arrogance appears with their impatience.

What these folks need to realize is wisdom differs from intelligence. A lesser educated person can out perform someone with common sense. A person who has low self-esteem can show more empathy and kindness than a braggart can buy. It’s not for sale. It comes from within.

Remember, there are two sides to the coin. Denial is a wily devil. The parable of a man pointing out other’s injuries while failing to see a splinter in his own eye is a classic. It’s just easier to point out what the others are doing wrong than admit to our own defects. It’s also called being human. Before we call someone else out on their problems, it’s better to know our own first and be working on them.

What about yourself do you want to change? Is it a weakness? Do you readily admit to it or hide it in the corner, hoping it keeps quiet? Do you talk out loud about it? Are you working on flipping the coin, turning a weakness into a strength? Make it worth your time, become a stronger, better person.

While searching Pexels for a photo depicting strength, I find it ironic there are none showing anything to do with inner strength. They all have to do with physical strength. I chose the photo about waking and working out to hint about waking and doing the reading, meditating, or contemplating what you can do to conquer your weaknesses. I hope it’s to the point for you.

I have a to do list a mile long today. Meeting tomorrow about communication, and I need to outline the agenda, talking points, and executive summary. Hoping I can get back to the business of writing next week. Have a beautiful day – we’re hunkering down today, it’s going to be a cold, blustery day. See you tomorrow!

“Play Ball!”

Life repeats itself. Since Gavin was born, nearly nine years ago, his sister Addison has competed in dance competitions across the region. This weekend is no exception. Gavin asked if he could hang out with us instead of driving in the van with Addison and her team to Tulsa this weekend. I thought this was fitting.

LEFT: Grandpa giving Gavin his bottle. Note the Baseball!
RIGHT: Gavin having his second bowl of Frosted Flakes. Double header today.

So, eight years later, on the same weekend, we’re hanging out with Gavin. I may work a little around the house, then join the boys after the first game begins. It’ll be a perfect day for it. I get little done when he’s here. I don’t care; what I’m supposed to get done when he’s here is spend the time with him. What a job, I’m lucky to get to do it. Blessings all around.

Last night, he asked me if he could do Word Search on my phone. He’s such a smart kid, it impressed him I was on Level 633. He commented it was harder than it looked. I told him he was solving the grown-up Word Search, not the kid one. He brightened up immediately. I think this game is just as good as reading sometimes. It helps him learn and keeps my brain working. Win/Win for Grandson and Grandma!

I’m a little puzzled by the way I’ve been feeling lately. It appears when I’m in a creative and learning mode, I can have a lot of understanding and enlightenment about my writing, my business, all the marketing involved, and I’m full of energy. I feel like I could slay dragons after those sessions. And then, I may go sit where the heating pad can comfort my twisted muscles and spine. Within twenty minutes or so, I’m exhausted and get nothing done the rest of the day. Do other creatives experience this? If you do, help a girl out and drop me a message or comment here. I’m perplexed why this happens and wonder if it’s from creating?

There is so much talk (and I believe it) creativity is like giving birth. I know that was very tiring and rewarding. I expect publishing my kids’ books will be, too. Right now, I have some house projects that need to be finished. Other things do, too. And yet, I need to have a day or two for a quilt I’m itching to work with. It’ll all work out. It always does.

As I continue along reading the book by musician Ben Folds, “A Dream About Lightning Bugs,” I marvel at the way his creative mind works. He tells of creative visualization and how it resonated with him. Eureka! Maybe that’s what I’m doing. As he says, “results fueled by temporary delusion.” That makes me laugh, but it’s true. He describes visualizing what isn’t currently happening as making you a little crazy. And being crazy zaps energy. Eureka! Could that be why I’m so drained after writing and learning every morning? Working towards what you visualize “scratches the itch.” Makes perfect sense to me. With my birthday in a few weeks, it couldn’t be from age, could it? Hmmmm. Be careful how you answer that!

If you’d like to read Ben Folds’ book, it’s “A Dream About Lightening Bugs,” and is available on Amazon, etc.

As we trek to the ball field again this Saturday, I’m grateful for much warmer weather today. Way better than last week was; no coats today. Shade and sunscreen are the order of the day. Thanks for reading, I hope you have a fabulous day. We will. Be Kind. Be Safe. Be Thoughtful. Let’s pay things forward or backward. Do something for someone. You’ll feel great. See you tomorrow.

I. Just. Can’t. Decide!

In the week-long free training I’m taking from Julia Roberts (no, not the actress), we are supposed to be decoding our own creativity. This is about the psychology of creativity. Apparently, we are supposed to fit into one of two kinds of creative thinker. Either divergent (lots of ideas, thinks giant big picture, has unique associations; OR convergent thinker (selects idea, perfects it, communicates it creatively).

Trouble is, it depends on what I’m doing. I can do either. Not bragging. Kind of like realizing I am probably a whole brained person. Logic prevails in some situations, creativity in others. I can honestly say I do both.

We were also to choose what kind of thinker we are; Fast Paced, or Slow Paced. Again, it depends on the situation. It depends on what I’m doing.

On Day Two, we learned how creative thinking works:

Clarify – Focus on right problem.

Ideate – Wants BIG Ideas

Develop – Gets the idea perfect

Implement – Just wants to get it done.

Day Three, yesterday, we were to claim our creative strengths and struggles. Still confused as to what I am, I posed the question if our strengths depended on what we were doing? Ms. Roberts said no, what we are doesn’t change. We’re either one or the other. I truly struggle with this. I still can’t pick. What’s a creative to do? It’s not that I’m wishy-washy.

Later in the presentation, before I had to cut it short to go get our Addison from school, the term “Integrator” was introduced. I thought, “This must be what I am! I don’t have to pick. I know I can do all these things at the proper time.” I wonder what we’ll learn today? More on that tomorrow.

Next week will be so busy! I have a Women in Publishing Conference (via Zoom), and I’m looking forward to it. It’s amazing we have the technology to participate in these things, isn’t it? I’m eager to get started. If you’re interested, I believe you can still register until Friday.

Life is so much fun with things to look forward to, isn’t it? I like to learn, especially about things I know nothing about. It makes things a little more familiar along this road we’re on. I appreciate you keeping me company along the way. Thanks for reading today, I’ll see you all tomorrow. Be Safe! Be Kind. Be Courteous. The weather is finally above freezing, we should all be in a great mood!