Whether we want to admit it, we all have feelings. It’s just that they exist. Present in our makeup, triggered with a sight, a sound, or a smell, they can take over. We are not responsible for our feelings or how we feel when they overtake us. We are, however, responsible for our response to them. What?
You heard me. If your response is to yell at whoever is near, belittle them, and humiliate them so you feel better, that’s wrong and you’re responsible for the fallout from that. That’s extremely dysfunctional behavior and you own that. You owe apologies to everyone you hurt. They did nothing to you. You responding to those pesky feelings, and here we are.
Learning how to handle those feelings will make you a better person, more settled, and your growth will be great. Feelings management has to be learned. It’s not inborn. We cannot manage triggers. We can only manage what we do with our feelings. Lashing out at people only serves to isolate you when you need support. Alienate enough people and you’ll end up very alone and lonely. Be conscious of this; it’s sometimes impossible for us to undo the damage we’ve done.
I’ve tried very hard to be conscious of this out-of-control behavior. I’ve witnessed this much in my life, and I still hate when I see it unfold before me. It’s so damaging if it’s directed at you. Please, learn to control your emotions, and don’t hurt others because of them. Learning to be honest with yourself. Admitting you’re afraid or feeling threatened is hard work. And the angry outbursts are much better silenced than heard by the entire neighborhood.
Every family has it’s challenges. We all keep our secrets. The fewer the secrets, the more ready you are for challenges. Honesty is the best way to talk about this stuff. Try it. You may like it. Let’s see each other tomorrow, ok?
Kathy Raabe 