Self-Defeating Behavior

It’s that time of year again. No, not autumn, but the daily reading today reminds me of some classic Adult Children of Alcoholics abilities – to see such doom and gloom into our futures we likely don’t want to think about the future. Some of us in the family have learned that’s no way to live, yet others still persist. Let me assure you, it’s much better on the positive side of this trait.

We quote Mark Twain as saying, “I am an old man and I have known many troubles, but most of them never happened.” Read that again. I’ll wait. And again if you need to. We have imaginations that blow the wheels off our positivity trains. This is the classic shooting yourself in the foot behavior. We destroy our plans before we even begin with them. Whatever it is, we derail our voyage and wallow. I’d venture a guess 99% of these terrible troubles never happen. We just defeated ourselves.

People do it all the time. It doesn’t matter if it’s creativity or writing a book or everyday life. Stop it! We need to keep a positive attitude, knowing that is half the battle sometimes. Within ourselves. No monster out there can sabotage us as well as we can. We can spend out lives dreading that which doesn’t exist and very possibly never will. Think about that. The moral of this story?

Don’t Borrow Trouble From Tomorrow.

Having human natures, we can’t help but act like them. I do have some dread with dealing with some people, usually unfounded. The dysfunctional people who are still in my life either behave like they usually do or they surprise me. Sometimes the dread is warranted, sometimes it isn’t. Gas-lighters can surprise you at times; never enough to trust them again. Just be smart.

On a much brighter note, we spent the evening with family again last night. Dinner was fabulous. The kids are so fun. And a handsome lot.

From left; Joell, Addison, Gavin. Joell has turned into a young man. No more kid left in either him or Addison. Gavin may have a time left, but not much yet! Can you tell they’re all quite comfy in front of the camera? These may be the most photographed kids in the world. And I get to be their bonus Grandma. What a lucky woman I am. Do you have any bonus grands, or nieces/nephews/etc.? We enjoy spending time with our future!

Day #3 with Beastly allergies is off to a better start. I’m hoping for some rest later after a visit with Mom and her new occupational therapist. It’ll be busy and crazy for Mom, then we’re planning a trip to Hobby Lobby next week. She considers it a must for her annual Christmas decorating marathon. She will likely supervise this year. Whatever makes her happy at this point.

I hope you enjoy your day. Do something kind for someone. Give a hug to someone who needs one. You get one, too! Thanks for being here, and see you tomorrow.

Don’t Throw Mud

You may simply end up with dirty hands. And that goes back on you. This quote from Joseph Parker, in my Adult Children of Alcoholics daily meditation book struck a chord today.

We don’t only throw mud at someone in a physical sense, but we do it every time we assassinate their character, or make blanket assumptions about a group of people, and even harboring ill will and long-standing grudges. And all we do is hurt ourselves in the process. The ones we are aiming at are nowhere close to where the target really is. And when it backfires on us, it isolates our beings; we may become resentful, feel sorry for oureslves, and become increasingly negative about everything.

Of course, we have the free choice to do whatever we want. Often people are negative because that’s the only way they know. I’ve seen negativity in my family, and it chokes the person off from enjoying their life. One with a lot of money may be miserable and poor of spirit. They could be a slave to the idea of having a counting house full of money. Does them no good at all. One with a good job and stable future may be negative about co-workers and complain about how many hours they work. They aren’t happy either. Work could be their addiction.

It’s hard to overcome negativity. Believe me, I know it’s hard to find positives when you’re a broke single Mom of three kids. When you run out of milk on Tuesday, don’t get paid until Friday, and go through couch cushions and piggy banks to find the exact change for a half gallon of milk. When you put gifts in layaway in September for Christmas, so you can pay $25 a week for twelve weeks and take them home to wrap just before Christmas Eve. When you thank God for the Home-Ec Class in high school that got you started sewing, and are able to make your own clothing, including business suits, to wear to work.

Yes, I was always grateful for what was in front of me. The car started every day (until it didn’t). The kids were good. Seriously, I’m grateful for that. I was a little handy with remodeling stuff. My sons were eager to learn how to put up a fence to keep our dog, Shadow, from running away. Thank God I had credit cards. I took full advantage of the 1976 law that allowed women to have their husband’s credit records in their own names, also. I was grateful for that.

Negativity had no place in my life when things went terribly wrong. When my son drowned, I prayed, and believed in God’s mercy, and he lived. I’m grateful for that until the day I die. My heart breaks for every Mother who has a child pulled from a body of water. So many are not as blessed as I was. Should I ever face a life and death situation again, of course I’ll pray, and it may not turn out well. I’ll have to accept it with grace and ask for God’s mercy.

When I was young, I believed if anything happened to my husband or kids, I’d die. That was not a truth of mine, it was a fairy tale. It was stuff movies and corny love songs were made of, not real life. Tragedy happens, and life goes on around you, whether you want it to or not. I learned that and it’s stuck ever since. If something happened to the Babe, I’d be devastated. But I know I could still live. It’d be crappy, but I’d live. Losing him would be much different than never having him in life at all.

Many, many times I’ve known things were going to change, either healthwise or my abilities, and all I do now is hold on, and ask God, “NOW where are we going?” He hasn’t failed me yet. Whenever I lose something, I gain something else instead. And so it continues. I didn’t get all my computer work done today, but we saw Gavin play his flag football game. He’s a great quarterback. He has fun whatever he does. Be Gavin. Have fun today. We’ll see each other tomorrow. Take care.