A Peaceful Heart

We all know of someone with a hair trigger temper. A rant can begin at any time, you just don’t know when. Walking on eggshells is no way to live.

“Anger helps straighten out a problem like a fan helps straighten a pile of papers.”

We all know someone who throws temper tantrums, who slam doors and object to prove their displeasure and stomp around to prove a point. How childish. It’s no way to live.

The outbursts we threaten others are spontaneous in number and severity. We make them watch out, don’t rile us up, or we would intimidate them and make them wish we weren’t around. Is this any way for us to relate to people? Is this any way for these people around us to have to exist?

The outbursts are NOT just blowing off steam. They’re opportunities for a cheap thrill by feeling powerful that simply indicates we are short on coping skills. We forget the steam we justify we’re blowing off actually blasts others in the face. Tirades have never solved a problem. Mom was raised in a home where people argued and yelled. She says her mother made her and her sisters afraid of their father. “Don’t tell Dad” is a terrible thing to do to kids. It teaches them to lie and omit parts of the truth. Kids echo the behavior they see around them. Unfortunately, she was frequently angry. I believe it was overwhelm; she had two children under the age of two and didn’t have a lot of help from Dad. Men did not participate in daily tasks with children in the early 1950s. Again, it depends on how you’re raised.

As folks learn to deal with their anger in a constructive manner, anger should subside. Anger, left untamed, can destroy a person, a family, and guarantee dysfunction for the lives of coming generations. It happens more often than not. The person who recognizes this dysfunction and speaks up is often the black sheep for at least a while. It takes courage to speak up and vow to take a different path than the one your parent followed. They just didn’t know any better. It wasn’t their fault.

What you can do is intend to handle situations differently. Be accountable to yourself. Make it a calmer world for your children. It will also be a calmer world for you, too. Once I realized showing anger towards my children and yelling was not the way a Mom should behave, I stopped. I was about 25 years old when I learned an alternate way to be. My life was full of tension and turmoil due to my marriage. I learned other ways of coping with my anxiety. I became a different person, a much better Mom, and learned about personal growth and improving yourself all the days of your life. And we’re not finished yet.

Think about your peace, and the peace you create in your home. Are people walking on eggshells around you? You can change that. You can choose to break a family curse. Yes you can. Work on your own temper. Is it out of control? Is it too much? Reign it in. Control it before it controls you. Have a beautiful evening. See you tomorrow!

Tear Down Before Building?

There is much discussion in cities with older downtown areas, such as Omaha, about restoration or demolition of the old, beautiful building. Logic tells us those old buildings have been vacant for twenty years or so. The utilities have been long turned off. Sentiment tells us our Grandpa Louie had a textile business here, our Aunt Susie had a bakery here, Dad’s cousin had a hardware store there. Restoration is wonderful, but at what price? Plumbing and electrical issues must be brought up to current code in refurbished properties. Safety issues abound, accomodations for handicapped folks is the law now. Sometimes, the only solution is to demo it and start new. The bricks can be cleaned and reused. They’ll go well on a garden walk in your yard. The memory will still be there. In your heart and mind.

That said, those of us who want better lives, better conditions, better feelings about ourselves, we must also decide; build on what you have, or tear down all the old messages, training, feelings, negative input, inability to put ourselves first. It’s a matter of undoing all the things which have held us back all these years. It’s uncomfortable. It’s a big change. You must resolve those feelings to succeed at changing what’s not comfortable in your life. If you want to write, you must change time wasting procrastination into solid, productive work. It’s up to you. It’s hard. Dad always told us the “right thing is always the hard thing to do”.

A day or so ago, I was inspired by my daily meditation and wrote about it in the blog from April 15, 2021, here. A bit later, I noticed something I wrote last summer was shared on someone else’s blog/Flip (probably something new to learn!) and guess what I saw? April 15, 2020; a whole different perspective on the same reading. I was blown away!

Last year, I was getting ready to work with a book coach. I did that for several months and decided the story I had up to over 50K words wasn’t the story I could tell. It was too long. Too many characters. I hope to revisit that novel again and make a series out of it. Tell the story the walls of the house can tell, but do it in a chronological order. The characters may all be in the story. It’s about a family with much dysfunction, codependency, and alcoholism. I believe I can salvage the idea of “These Walls DO Talk”.

However, now I’m many chapters into a cleaner way to tell Katie’s story. It’s about her life from age 18 to maybe 45. It’s much better writing. I hoped to finish the “These Walls DO Talk,” novel last year. Publish in September. I’m humbled by what I had to do differently. That’s why the coach was such a good idea. Sam Tyler has a business coaching. She also writes herself. Check out her website, too!

And here I am, a year later, writing a children’s book, and getting ready to put the artwork of Cartney McGuigan into the draft copy and edit my words down. Where Cartney can show the story with her drawings, I will edit out the words. It’s pretty different from where I thought I’d be last year. It’s a lot of work, yes, and it’s lots of learning to keep me living and improving life.

Let’s see each other again tomorrow, ok? I appreciate your time today and hope you have something fun happen this afternoon. I’m not going to Gavin’s game today, my body just aches too much already to be in the damp, chilly weather. I hate missing it, but I’ll pay all week if I go. Go Gavin! Win that double-header!