Happy Valentine’s Day After!

Whether you’re a couple, single, divorced, widowed, or single by choice, this is a day of love for everyone.

I was single for a lot of Valentine’s Days, folks. I hated it. Nothing made you feel more like a loser than sitting at work, seeing every other female in the North Tower of the “Twin Towers,” across the street from the old W Dale Clark Library in Downtown, Omaha than Valentine’s Day.

I didn’t mind women receiving flowers. But when I heard women say things like, “He’d BETTER send me flowers!” Like they insist on it, or they’ll be hell to pay. I just thought there’s no way I’d tell a mate that or even behave that way. I thought it was terrible.

Kind of like when a woman said, “My husband makes my lunches for me every day,” then cussed him out because he forgot lettuce. Really? How ungrateful is my take on all of that.

Sometimes, I receive flowers. Other times, I buy them for the Babe. Sometimes we don’t get out to get each other cards. It’s nice to be remembered. But what is love at this point in our lives?

We’ll be married 25 years this October. Truth be told, I’m just glad the Babe hasn’t had a heart attack/etc yet. I’m tickled to have him still here with me! He’s happy still being here, too! What did we do today?

I’m piecing together the big appliqued dog row, and couldn’t get something right again. We were sitting on the couch, I was holding the quilt and the row of blocks sewn together. The Babe said, “Let’s go lay it out on the bed!” Ok, I scurried into the bedroom. We laid out the part of the quilt that was already together, and I laid another row across. Checked the directions, he provided feedback, I agreed, decided which part to trip out, and my problem was solved.

What other husband, a former labor supervisor, concrete block delivery supervisor, manly man who managed the facility at 144 & Giles Road, Omaha, NE, who is a man among men, Vietnam combat veteran, and not afraid to love his wife, would help me out this way? No one, I got the best one for me! That made up the best Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever had. I have no photos; there was no delivery fee, no up-charge for delivery, no price increase just because, and won’t have to throw it away when it wilts and dies.

What I do have is support in my work, a second opinion where it’s needed, and a calming force when I’m about to lose my mind. That is what love is. You want the best from your partner, because the better they are, the better your relationship is. The better your relationship is, the better you both become. And I do the same for him. Even when you can’t imagine loving your person more, it happens; love deepens and grows. There is room to fill in your hearts.

I hope that for each and every one of you. Have another beautiful day of love. See you tomorrow!

Growth is the Only Evidence of Life

We credit Cardinal Newman with this quote. Newman was a priest in an Anglican Church. He converted to Catholicism and continued teaching and good works throughout his life.

When I look at it, growth is the exact evidence of life. Just breathing and existing is not living, although some will disagree. Playing it safe, existing is what they promote. Is it enough?

It isn’t enough for me. I’m not an adrenaline junkie, though. I don’t want to bungee jump off the Sydney Opera House Bridge in Australia. I’m not contented to just live the rest of my life watching daytime tv until I die. I need to work my brain, read, learn, create, all the things I’m learning about now. That will be my legacy, I think. If I help someone along the way, all the better. And that’s how I’ll live the rest of my life.

In the growth of problem solving is knowledge. That knowledge can solve further problems in the future. In a time where we can hire someone to solve our problems, we often pay rather than work. We are sometimes better off learning and doing rather than delegating.

One specific area is self-improvement. We cannot delegate that to someone else to do for us. It’s hard to call ourselves out on things we could do better. And it’s how to handle. And change those bad habits that are holding us back from living life to the fullest. Right now, I’m trying once again to kick the sugar thing. It’s hard. I can only feel better, look better, and open some new avenues towards living. It will work and will become a part of my life. I’d like to hire that out, but it won’t help me in the long run.

Sometimes at my stage of life, you’re used to taking on hard things. When times are easier, you may get a little bored. Or wonder what will happen next. Learn to welcome the opportunities. It’s all in our travels of life. Nothing is too big for you to handle. Even if it’s big. You eat an elephant one bite at a time. One day at a time. One hour at a time does it. Breathe. Again. Breathe. Now, let’s organize. And handle it. You know you can.

Today is a day the weather is changing again. Maybe some snow. And the day will lend itself to more quilting. Onward!

Hope you have a great day and evening. Learn something new today. And remember it when you need to create a new way to solve a problem. See you tomorrow.

The Last Day of January, 2023

If you live in Nebraska or any state north of there, you know what I’m talking about.

This morning, when I opened the inside door to let the dogs out, the combination door to the outside was frosted over. Not just on the glass, but on all the metal, too. It was about zero degrees out. And don’t touch it with wet fingers – or your tongue.

Yes, it’s that cold out. The possibility for frigid temps, snow, and bad weather exists for another couple of months. We have lots of things to take care of inside until springtime comes along. There are lots of books, projects, and writing to do.

For the first month of 2023, I made a decision for my future. The art/drawing/painting bug has been biting me since I went with my friend Lora last summer to see Van Gogh. I have not started yet, but hope to by March 1. February 1, I’m taking out my kid book again and begin to edit the long passages.

The hardest part of me with a kid book is to learn most parents don’t want a book to last more than about five minutes. They’re too busy to read. That makes me sad, but I can’t change that.

The quilts are coming along nicely. I am learning to accept the fact I only think I can finish things quicker than I do. It’s hard, but it’s better than driving myself crazy. It’s part of learning to accept ourselves. I have to accept every part of myself to let the creative vibes do their thing. The clearer my strong points become, the better to capitalize on them.

I am very much almost right on with my Goodreads Reading Challenge for 2023. I started Colleen Hoover’s, “All Your Perfects.” I’m about 1/3 way in so far, and I’m thinking it may only take a day or two to finish it. Some of her books are a little hard to follow; I think that was maybe because I was probably much older than her fans who read the books/trilogy. I’m guessing she also wrote these books earlier in her life. The combination could be why I had some difficulty being interested in the story about very young love, first apartments, first breakups.

I’ve repeatedly read about the more you read, the better you will write. I’m all for that. I do love to read. And learning all throughout life helps us create keys to different parts of ourselves. Some keys open doors we’d rather not open. They can stay closed. The keys that open doors to new adventures, new people, new discoveries. Those are the doors we want to open. They exist to enhance our lives. I think we all want to do this.

We need to stop talking ourselves out of living our dreams. Trying things we’ve always wondered if we could do or not. We are not too old. It is never too late. Start putting our dreams into action. It feels so good! Begin today! See you tomorrow.

November 20, 2022; Sunday

While other writers and author-types are deep into NaNoWriMo, feverishly writing to reach the 50K word finish-line on 11/30/2022, I’m on the sidelines, and working feverishly to complete two twin sized quilts for our grandchildren in Colorado. It’s coming along nicely, and the Babe is going to visit our son & family on the east coast, so the pups and I will have 5 days of sewing, with no interruptions or things to take our mind off of the tasks at hand. (Hah!)

I’m delighted, we’ve made it to #1000followers. YES! Yesterday, the count was #1002followers. I think some folks sign up and then change their minds. It’s all good, you know? But as of this moment, we are at #1000followers. I’m over the moon!

As with quilting, writing, living, and all the other things people occupy themselves with, we set goals to achieve, and work to accomplish them. We decide on a path, we learn how to achieve it, and we want to follow through to completion. Yes, we’re full of resolve, and learning new skills, and eager to get going. We have confidence and visions of glory. We’re going to kick butt, aren’t we? You betcha!

And so, the battle begins. The battle between our resolve and our actual getting-stuff-done-energy. We lose steam, and may not get all the reading research done, we don’t write the 1,667 words every day in November, and we just get lost. We don’t want to perform. The goal was stupid. We were stupid. The thought of us publishing a book was stupid.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The goal is not stupid. You are not stupid. Publishing a book is certainly not stupid. You have to work to achieve it, but you really can do it. It’s never too late! The new diet isn’t really that hard, you are on the right path, we need to keep up with our exercise classes even though our muscles are sore.

The thing we need to remember, it’s easy start a project, diet, new habit, new hobby, or even new relationship. The real challenge is persisting with any of them. Accomplishing is much harder than beginning. It doesn’t take money, good looks, intelligence, social standing, or personal favors to achieve anything. It takes persistence more than anything else. We are all capable to being persistent. We are equal as far as that goes, and we have no one to credit but ourselves if we stop before we achieve our goals. Just keep going. The one who persists wins. Period.

Have a beautiful Sunday. Make sure you work to keep your task “fun.” However you can do it, make sure it’s fun. See you tomorrow.

Being Called Sensitive for Reacting

to Disrespect is Manipulation. You bet it is!

I have learned a new strength in the last couple of years. If someone is disrespecting me, I let them know I will not accept that behavior again. I may not raise a fuss and yell in a crowd, but I will let it be known their bad behavior is not acceptable to me. And I will not tolerate it again.

It may not sound like a big deal to someone who has always stood up for themselves, but for me, the quintessential people-pleaser good girl, it’s huge. Really. I’m just glad I learned before it’s too late.

I have found my voice, and it’s strong. “You will not do this to me again.” I’m perfectly even tempered, even though they try to put words in my mouth, “you said this in anger.” Nope. I didn’t. I don’t need to be told what I was feeling or anything. I mean what I say. Once it’s out, it’s part of my truth. Don’t insult me by telling me I don’t mean it. It’s a boundary. Don’t cross it again.

Today was a personal connection day. The Babe had a rare day off, and we languished over coffee and breakfast, barely got ready for the day and it was time to meet our friend Don for lunch. It was good. His wife passed from ALS and he lost a favorite brother-in-law the following week. How hard! All we can do is listen, and we recalled some fun things. He recounted all the things you have to change legally when you lose your spouse. There are a lot of things, and it might be a good idea if there was a hit list for surviving spouses. I feel badly for the women and men who don’t have a clue how to do all these things. Believe it or not, there are a lot, of both women and men.

As I get further into Gary Sinise’s book, “Grateful American,” I am more amazed at his path in his career and his personal growth than I was before. As he tries directing, acting, producing, stage acting, more directing, and finally lands in movie acting, he is cast as Lt. Dan in Forrest Gump. What a perfect part. He describes the training the actors had for the war scenes. It was pretty in-depth. I’m approaching the part I’m most interested in, and that’s how he started to help Veterans. It is a good book.

Speaking of helping Veterans, the 50 Mile March raised over $240,000 last count I saw. That is incredible. The people of Nebraska are so generous, especially when it comes to Veterans and First Responders. Thank you, folks. Your money will support Veterans with needs that are not being met. Until now.

Thank you for reading. We are holding at 958 subscribers who receive an email each time we publish a blog. I’m shooting for 1,000 followers as we are now over 1,100 blogs published. I appreciate you following so much. We’ll be having more adventures in the coming months. Thanks for going on this journey with me! See you tomorrow.

Turnarounds and Puzzles

Ever hear of the comeback kid? Right now, it’s a hardcore punk band formed in Canada in 2001. Previously, there was a rom com starring John Ritter, about a baseball player. Generally, the term is used to describe someone who can be down and out, gather momentum, then be on top of the world.

I became a comeback kid many times during my life. After my divorce; after I graduated from college in 1996 while in my 40s; after the Babe and I married; and now, the hole left after raising kids and watching grandkids grow up is filled with my writing. I need to incorporate many other things into my time, so I get caught up with my hobbies. It could happen.

In order to be a comeback kid, you have to be present during the down and out time. You have to hang in there to fully enjoy the comeback. You can’t be a spectator during the momentum gathering. You have to do the work. You have to stay on top of it. Only then, will you have a chance of being on top of the world. Whatever conflict there is, you have to endure it. It’s not easy, but it is worth it. I know. I’ve done it many times. You can too.

People are capable of change, it can happen at any time of life. They have to want to change, make new habits, visit new places. I grew up uncertain how to participate in conflict. I never heard our parents argue, I experienced angry silences and didn’t learn until adulthood that was conflict. Probably the worst kind to have. My ex grew up in a home with lots of arguing and wouldn’t even have a conversation about a difference of opinion. Neither of us were equipped to have a conflict, work it out, then go on. I saw family members cut others out of their lives when they were angry. That’s unhealthy. I think the term, “They’re dead to me!” originated, not in a mobster movie.

Present day, I’m grateful to have learned how to disagree with someone. I am very conscious sometimes it needs to be low key, sometimes, you need to raise your voice. I try to only go there if necessary. We’re all still learning, and I’m learning to let things go. That is different than overlooking things.

Some folks I need to interact with get nasty about things. That is so unhealthy. Hard to rid yourself of toxic people when they’re family, too. It’s a constant reminder of why you tried so hard to break the cycle. You have, and they don’t know how to deal with you. The same old ammunition no longer penetrates your soul. The memory of it lives. They’ll never get better, they don’t want to. You were the brave one. You figured out the puzzle of your life and how the pieces fit for you. You found your truth.

So give yourself an atta girl. You deserve it! We’ve had a great day! An old work friend from Florida is in town, so the Babe and I met him with two other people they all used to work with. We had lunch and talked about some old times. The Babe has been retired ten years. Soon, he really will be. I look forward to it.

We both have some other computer work to do for the Post, and need a little relax time, too. I cleaned up and vacuumed today, so I am going to relax a little. Hope you have a day filled with good new memories, great music, and beautiful sights. If you’re alone, not doing well, look into the eyes of a child or a dog. You’ll see the light of hope, love, and trustworthiness. They will see the same in you. Life is all a give and take. We all need to be on either end and take turns. Like a teeter totter. Give and take. Sharing.

Have a great evening, and we’ll see each other tomorrow. Stay safe.

Faults v. Virtues

When you think of yourself, what comes to mind first?

“I could lose 30 pounds.”

“I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

“I’m a terrible Mom.”

As a child, we’re often taught not to talk about our abilities. “Don’t be conceited,” they tell us. “It’s not polite.” Especially for a girl. I remember reading in a Catholic Girl (was that the title? don’t remember for sure) Magazine, it was stressing the duty of the girl to remain “pure” in mind, body, and heart. Part of the duty was to praise the boyfriend, and be his lovely assistant in everything, to know their place. We didn’t hear “Good Job!” every time we did something. Some of us were told a “B” wasn’t good enough, it should have been an “A”.

Wow, that was the late 50s and early 60s for you. No more. We weren’t supposed to be smarter than the boys, or stronger, or better at doing anything. Wow. There are many very intelligent women, strong women, who are the best at what they do. How sad we were instructed to dumb ourselves down. How can we live fully is we pretend to be less than what we actually are?

I, for one, hadn’t a clue what I was going to do with the rest of my life after the kids grew up. I didn’t want to hover over them, after all, you have them to send them out into the world. I loved my kids to pieces, and knew I was happiest with them. I couldn’t keep having kids because I didn’t have a life plan.

Making the decision to go to community college was the best thing I ever did. Having a lot of interests made it a little harder to decide what to do. I decided on Medical Secretary. I earned a certificate, but found a job at ConAgra. Lots of on the job training by observing a huge business working. It was amazing.

I took many business classes and was finally offered a programmer trainee position if I completed a certification program for a year. I would have been crazy not to do it. It launched me way further than I could have imagined.

By learning I had value, talents, abilities, I experienced a lot of growth as a person and in my career. I finally knew I did a good job. While I think kids may not need constant praise, I believe some is needed. Too many wounded adults are walking the earth. Many others don’t realize they are. We need to learn to accept our virtues and talents. Otherwise we can be overwhelmed by our faults. Those two sentences from Robert G. Coleman leapt of the page at me this morning. So many of us spend time tabulating our faults. We need to tally our virtues. Take some time doing that today. Do it every day. Be fair. You will discover your worth.

Self deprecation can be funny, we need to laugh at ourselves. Taken too far, it’s not good. It’s only recognizing part of ourselves. We need to recognize all that we are in order to become all we can. Don’t let your faults define you and your legacy. Start today. Appreciate yourself. And make it a habit.

Have a beautiful day. It’s lovely outside in the shade. Going to check the plants now. Be safe. See you tomorrow.

A Peaceful Heart

We all know of someone with a hair trigger temper. A rant can begin at any time, you just don’t know when. Walking on eggshells is no way to live.

“Anger helps straighten out a problem like a fan helps straighten a pile of papers.”

We all know someone who throws temper tantrums, who slam doors and object to prove their displeasure and stomp around to prove a point. How childish. It’s no way to live.

The outbursts we threaten others are spontaneous in number and severity. We make them watch out, don’t rile us up, or we would intimidate them and make them wish we weren’t around. Is this any way for us to relate to people? Is this any way for these people around us to have to exist?

The outbursts are NOT just blowing off steam. They’re opportunities for a cheap thrill by feeling powerful that simply indicates we are short on coping skills. We forget the steam we justify we’re blowing off actually blasts others in the face. Tirades have never solved a problem. Mom was raised in a home where people argued and yelled. She says her mother made her and her sisters afraid of their father. “Don’t tell Dad” is a terrible thing to do to kids. It teaches them to lie and omit parts of the truth. Kids echo the behavior they see around them. Unfortunately, she was frequently angry. I believe it was overwhelm; she had two children under the age of two and didn’t have a lot of help from Dad. Men did not participate in daily tasks with children in the early 1950s. Again, it depends on how you’re raised.

As folks learn to deal with their anger in a constructive manner, anger should subside. Anger, left untamed, can destroy a person, a family, and guarantee dysfunction for the lives of coming generations. It happens more often than not. The person who recognizes this dysfunction and speaks up is often the black sheep for at least a while. It takes courage to speak up and vow to take a different path than the one your parent followed. They just didn’t know any better. It wasn’t their fault.

What you can do is intend to handle situations differently. Be accountable to yourself. Make it a calmer world for your children. It will also be a calmer world for you, too. Once I realized showing anger towards my children and yelling was not the way a Mom should behave, I stopped. I was about 25 years old when I learned an alternate way to be. My life was full of tension and turmoil due to my marriage. I learned other ways of coping with my anxiety. I became a different person, a much better Mom, and learned about personal growth and improving yourself all the days of your life. And we’re not finished yet.

Think about your peace, and the peace you create in your home. Are people walking on eggshells around you? You can change that. You can choose to break a family curse. Yes you can. Work on your own temper. Is it out of control? Is it too much? Reign it in. Control it before it controls you. Have a beautiful evening. See you tomorrow!

On Loan

“Treat all things as if they were loaned to you without any ownership – whether body or soul, sense or strength, external goods or honors, house or hall . . . everything.” Meister Eckhart

Wow! Even with my twelve years of Catholic education, I don’t recall ever hearing of Meister Eckhart. He was a German mystic, theologian and philosopher. He taught a radical religious philosophy that God was present in everything. He claimed mystical experiences and had a large following. He was also tried as a heretic. Catholics were big on heretics back in the Middle Ages

He entered the Dominican order and worked as an administrator of 47 convents. His passion was preaching the Gospel. He was invited to Paris to teach, which was a great honor. His story includes a comment citing his heated discussions/debates with the Franciscan order. Wow. He stressed the Divinity in Mankind. He was considered mystical because he thought it important to clear one’s mind to be receptive to God’s presence. Isn’t this what Meditation is?

Eckhart also taught the importance of detachment from earthly things and desires. Again, doesn’t that sound like meditation and decluttering? Learning these things is good. Sadly, although he believed in teaching the poor and had huge following, he was found guilty of heresy and died while the verdict was under appeal. I find that sad, because in later years, Thomas Aquinas followed Eckhart’s teachings. I’m amazed at this.

Theology aside, maybe there is something about not treating things as if we “owned” them. Of course, we love our home, and we will own it someday, and our cars, but those things do not own us. We don’t feel defined by them. We may say, “my wife, my husband,” but we do not own them. We belong with them, through promises, vows, and civil laws.

When I was young, I thought couples had to be together all the time. They had to have only the same interests and hobbies. I knew no other example. As I grew up and learned codependency should not be a goal, I also learned a very different way of having relationships. The women in my world were self-proclaimed martyrs. Not all of them, but many were, it was the times (50s and 60s) and how we were taught life was. Men worked, women didn’t.

Although the Babe and I get along very well, we are somewhat different. I’m a book nerd, he’s not. He’s very helpful taking care of the house and cooking. I need his help! He’s never sat and wanted to be waited on. Mama raised up a couple good men with the Babe and his brother Ron. Thanks, Liz!

According to my daily meditation book, thinking someone is our responsibility leads to misplaced problem ownership. I took on a lot of responsibility that wasn’t mine, both for our mom and a brother. They needed to own their messes! I dropped those burdens, and wow. My load is so light now! Creativity is how I express myself, and the writing is improving. I will write that novel. November will see the goal of 50,000 words met. I have to do this, it’s an important message and I feel compelled to share it. Give others an inkling as to what can help them become free from the ties that bind them.

The last 25 years of my life have been so full of love and enjoyment. I made my kids be responsible for their choices. Once I didn’t enable them (didn’t last long, trust me), they became very capable adults. I was not taught how to do that. We learned together. I look at all the people in my life as being on loan. I enjoy them completely when we’re together, and they all have their own lives to live. The Babe, too. Events like his illnesses and accidents teach me he’s only on loan. He’s been quite lucky so far, and someday, that luck will run out. We’re not being negative, just realistic. I will live in today, not yesterday or tomorrow. Join me.

Thank you for reading today. Happy Halloween, and think of me writing tomorrow. 1,667 words a day for the 30 days of November. We’ll be closer to a finished novel! Isn’t that wonderful? Join me. See you tomorrow!

Comparisons Are Odious.

A man named John Fortesque is credited with saying this. I have to agree with him. How much time have many of us wasted comparing ourselves to others. I used to do that, mainly because of a bad self-image as a young kid. I have an older brother who is very small statured. He is one year older than me. I hated being bigger and taller than he is. I’d pray for a miracle overnight to switch sizes with him. Silly, right? I really wanted that miracle for both of us. He was bullied, and I was compared by other people.

The folks at Madison Avenue marketed skinny young blondes as the ones who “Have more fun.” Although inside every blonde is a smart brunette begging to get out, I couldn’t do anything at the time about hair color or height, I hated the body I lived in. In later years, I accepted myself, and marveled at how I had three beautiful kids. So many pop culture people wished for what I had. A family. I was grateful, even though I wasn’t a skinny blonde.

When I started coloring my hair due to premature graying (at 37!), I never went blonde. It just wasn’t me. Now, it’s silvery and still very thick. Funny, people compliment it all the time. I’m proud I have my dad’s hair. The Hurley/Jewell family all have thick, beautiful hair. It would have been hard to lose it. Luckily, I didn’t need chemo for my cancer, so I didn’t have to endure that. My body betrayed me in several ways, cancer included. Somehow, I always knew I would get it. I don’t know why I thought that, but it did come true. Maybe expecting it made me get through it better. Now I pray it doesn’t return. Twelve years out, I’m blessed.

We cannot win ever comparing ourselves. Not great hair, a big bank account, prestigious friends, or a better wardrobe helps us win anything. Some folks never get it. They chase the Jones’ all their lives. And for what? Many people think the Babe and I should be traveling a lot until we can’t. We thought we would, but the Babe is preferring staying home. I don’t blame him. Should the worst happen, he doesn’t want to be away from his doctors. I can respect that. I’m not going to be upset about that. We make our live together one that is pretty relaxed, and respectful of each other. He applauds me and encourages my writing. He’s told me several times, “You can’t just quit.” That support is worth so much! I’m lucky. We both are.

As I watched over Mom yesterday getting used to her new walker and striking out on the adventure we had yesterday, I realized how I just need to try to get her our once a week. Somehow, somewhere. Until the snow flies. Then she prefers staying home. I’m so relieved she finally listened to the doctor and started using the walker. All that matters is that she does, and it’s so much safer. She was way too wobbly with just a cane. Thank goodness she didn’t break anything!

This craft I’m learning about now, this need I’ve uncovered in myself to write, it something to look forward to as I age. It’s not about the lifelong learning, the hours spent reading and writing, or the number of words I spew out on any given day. It’s about what it can become. And I’m eager but patient enough to stick it out, work hard, and get there. Because I know it will happen. And I’m grateful for this and all opportunities I’ve ever grabbed. Thanks for walking with me through all the learning. I appreciate it a lot. See you tomorrow!