Monday Morning Moving In Again.

I love spring, summer, fall, and winter. Seasons have been part of my life forever, and I can’t see me moving to a warmer climate. Don’t want to be away from family; from all of our grandkids; or from two of our five kids. It’s home, wherever the Babe is.

I have nothings scheduled this week; no pesky doctor’s appointments; no VFW Post 2503 meetings, nothing but whatever we decide to do. It’ll be a good week to visit a couple of friends who are in ill health. Friendship transcends illness, and bringing brightness into the lives of folks who are confined for whatever reason. Call or visit your friends; you’ll both feel better.

My daily meditation book today talks about the labels we have in our lives. Do they reflect the truth of our actual living situations? What’s that mean?

“No pain, no gain.” There is a little bit of truth to that, meaning making sacrifices for your goals is necessary. It does not guarantee success.

When I was married before, I believed in sacrificing my wants and needs, along with a lot of prayer, I would win favor with God. As I matured, I realized God doesn’t want us to stay in bad marriages “for the sake of the children.” He already showed his favor by dying for our sins. I believe what we are supposed to do is use our talents and abilities to make our world a better place. We are not supposed to stay in situations where we are belittled, verbally abused, witnessing the same treatment to your children. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

I said I had to divorce because I believed in marriage. It was supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship. I also did not want to become a bitter, hateful woman.

After the divorce, yes, it was hard. At the same time, it was easy. Not financially, not when I needed to be two places at once, but I stopped being on guard. I stopped frowning. I never knew my unhappiness showed in my face. A new neighbor told me afterwards, she noticed the difference in me. I never smiled before. Yes, it takes a toll on a person. And the kids. Sometimes, you need to leave for the sake of the kids.

Pain doesn’t pay off when we misname it. This would fall under the first of The Four Agreements we discussed last week. Being impeccable with your word means telling the truth; it means naming your situation properly; it means naming a series of bad relationships properly, not calling it “bad luck;” it means naming our workaholism what it is, inability to play. As the meditation told me, “Pain Only Begets More Pain.” Your situation stays the same. Forever.

I knew I had to change my situation. And you may need to, also. If you are in a physically abusive relationship, leave. Now. There are agencies who can help you plan your escape. Bring your kids with you. No one needs to suffer any longer, especially you and your kids. Please, you deserve better. So do your kids.

Let’s start our journey’s towards a free and beautiful life with us being impeccable with our word. It’s the best start you can make. As we proceed with our days, let’s learn to recognize what gives us pain. Let’s evaluate why. Making changes will only improve your life. Yes, it’s hard. Anything worth it is. My dad taught me that. He taught it to challenge us. It made all of us kids better people. Have a beautiful afternoon, and we’ll see each other tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

Be Bold.

Oh dear. When I was growing up in the 50s and 60s, girls weren’t supposed to be bold. That was taken as impolite back in the day. We couldn’t question anyone, since our fathers, mothers, teachers, and anyone else knew what was best for us. And, if you didn’t marry by about 25, you were destined to be an Old Maid. Sad, eh? Oh, and when you got married, the man was the head of the house, and you were the heart. Wow. Well, I didn’t make a good choice in husband, and I found a voice and disagreed with his decision making. About everything. Money, kids, everything. I wanted to get a job at a doctor’s office. He laughed. We went to counseling. We got divorced. I got a job, an education, bought my own home, and have had a very happy life.

It was the first time I chose to be bold. I could no longer be passive. It gave me a terribly nervous stomach, muscle spasms in my gut, and the feeling I would throw up all the time. Stress. Everyone’s friend. That stopped when he moved out. Ah, peace at last.

Of course, there were other stresses; money, visitation, all sorts of things. And it all worked out. What I loved about it was no one was questioning, arguing, poking fun at my decisions. It was peaceful. I could breathe again. I became better at making choices in everyday living and I gained confidence and energy. It was a lot of hard work, and worth every bit of it. I am a grateful woman.

It does take courage. It also requires patience. Patience with yourself, your decision making skills, your development of those skills and others, and the navigation needed to change your route when needed. I never thought about it that much before, but it was brave, and hard, and lonely. I’m so grateful. I learned to recognize opportunities and later learned to create my own opportunities. God led me to a wonderful life.

I like to share that growth process with people now. I’m not describing situations I’ve experienced to gain sympathy or place blame. I describe it because I remember feeling as if I didn’t belong; funny thing was, I didn’t. Still don’t. But now I know why. It’s because I’m the one to break the curse, the tradition, the same way of doing things. I have different attitudes about everything than my mom does; it’s part of why we clash. She tries to make me like her, I resist. Always have. I need to be me. It will always be that way. I think a great deal about how what I say may make someone feel. No, it’s not my job to preserve their feelings. I do, however, need to be kind and sensitive.

I had a visit with my friend who had the stroke a couple month ago; she is home and seems to be doing quite well. I’m so glad for her. I’ll see her more often now. I miss seeing her every week like we did before. Probably since about 2013 we’ve seen each other once a week. It won’t be like it was, it’ll be a new way. We had square donuts. There is honestly a place in Omaha who makes them square. Actually a good idea, four extra bites. Nothing to turn your nose up to.

It looks as if it may rain again this afternoon. I feel a tiny nap coming on. Just enough to clear my head. Hope you have a great rest of the day. See you tomorrow.