Who Do You Envy?

With Envy and jealousy so closely defined, we need to clarify what they mean before we admit to envying anyone. OK then, let’s dig in.

As a Catholic kid growing up, we were taught jealousy was a sin, as was envy (they were treated as the same sin), and we shouldn’t want what another has; i.e., their house, their boyfriend/girlfriend/car/job or lifestyle. It was wrong to covet. Coveting is kind of like stealing, but just in your mind, and if you’re Catholic and think of doing something, it’s just as wrong as if you actually DID it. Yikes!

Here, I would insert a smart-alecky joke saying, if it’s just as much sin if I do something as think about doing something, I might as well do it and have fun.

Consulting GOOGLE, the Bible of modern definitions; it’s important to mention there is nothing wrong with feeling jealousy or envious – within reason. It’s when you begin to plot and/or take actual action to steal another’s belongings it becomes wrong. Liking a neighbor’s car, with it inspiring you working more to make more money to buy one like it is not wrong; in fact, it’s a good thing. You are inspired to get your own. No problems.

Jealousy is considered worse, since it suggests harboring ill will towards someone who has what you want. Envy is something impersonal and passing. No ill will is harbored.

Sure, when I was a poor single-mom who was living paycheck to paycheck, I envied people who were married and seemed to “have it all.” Often, having it all also meant sacrificing it all, and their lives were not anything to be envied. Often, having respect for yourself was more important than having a nice house, car, bank account. It just depends on where your values are, and how you decide to live. Giving up all your principles for a rich husband is not the right thing to do. Giving up security to preserve the growing child’s self-worth is worthy.

As we enter this Christmas season, let’s remember what is important in the grand scheme of things. Our children are indeed our future, and we must expose them to learning and especially the arts, it helps them grow and stretch into the people they will be who will inhabit this world. The world is full of beauty, and wonder, and things to be in awe of. Let’s treat our world and ourselves well, and carry the wonderment and awe at the world, sharing it with our children. They will certainly share the message, sharing it in ways we haven’t before. It’s what makes the world go on. Let’s help it.

I’ve been jealous of beautiful people (when I was younger); envious of people who made the Dean’s List in High School. I never did, but it was a goal. I did it in College, after I was an adult. Probably harder to do it then, while raising kids and working full time. It all depends on circumstances, my dears. Take it easy on yourself! Take care of your others today, be safe in your dealings with the world. Celebrate the wins in the universe, and enjoy the beauty of it all. It’s what it’s all there for. See you tomorrow!

Wednesday’s Words of Wisdom (?)

Happy Wednesday! I just saw a meme that read:

” Make today so fantastic that yesterday gets jealous!”

So, at first read, I didn’t care for it because of the word jealous. Jealousy is the cause of a lot of bad things; mistrust, unhealthy competition, rage, relationships ending, and lots of other bad stuff. As young Catholics, we were taught jealousy is sinful. In a lot of ways, I believe jealousy is unnecessary among well-adjusted adults. Key words: well-adjusted.

In relationships if someone goes to great lengths to make their partner jealous, the whole thing is doomed. Games should not be played there at all. Period. A well-adjusted adult is secure in their knowledge of what they have to offer. Ideally, trust should be paramount in any relationship. Yes, many of us have trust issues. I did, until I met the Babe. He’s pretty much up front about everything. No worries. He has female friends; I have male friends. Not even a second thought about anything inappropriate. We’re lucky to have that with each other. Nothing makes a person feel more confident than absolute trust being placed in your hands by the one you love.

Mom and I went to a luncheon today, and new/old/schoolmate Steve Paschang was present again. It’s weird talking to someone who was in a class two years ahead of you in high school. Once you graduate high school, go through life, and make your place in the world, it’s amazing how we all blend together. It’s funny now we all realize those things we valued as children are not that important. As you get older, nationalities, races, educational levels, all fade. We’re all more the same than we are different. Nothing to disagree about if your take politics out of the equation, which I insist on here and on my FB things. We just don’t need the hassle.

It’s been another different kind of day, didn’t get much done, there is still tomorrow. Oh, I heard back from the DeGroot group; I did not advance for consideration for a grant for writing. It’s ok, though. I entered, did it a little scared, and didn’t make it. No lives lost. I feel by just entering I won. I could never have done this 50 years ago.

Life is a series of steps from one stage to another; many are similar at the stages, many are not. The trick is to keep moving. I’m moving right now out to the couch and pick up my crocheting. And fight the urge for a nap. It’s a comfortable life, this retired life is. I hope you enjoy yours as I do. Let’s see each other again tomorrow.

“Envy’s a Coal Comes Hissing Hot From Hell.” Philip James Bailey.

Is it hard to be happy for someone who wins the lottery? Is it hard to be happy for a relative who is able to retire early? Is it hard to be happy for a friend’s child who wins scholarships?

Or do we believe they don’t deserve it? The lottery, the early retirement, the child’s ability to earn their way through college? Do we think, “That should be me?” “He always was a penny pincher!” “Of course, their kids don’t have to work, like mine do, to pay for their car.” Sometimes it’s hard.

The quote today came from my old reliable, “Daily Meditations for Adult Children of Alcoholics.” Since 1982, I’ve read daily, skipped a period of time, then found I needed reminders of how wonderful my life really is. It’s remarkable, isn’t it? I believe I’ve learned these lessons (well, mostly), and am able to share them with others. Random people will find these blogs for them. Some will skip over this day. And that’s ok. You either skip because you’re offended it hits home or because you’re not an envious person. Or just stick around to learn something.

It can be hard to be gracious in the light of someone else’s success. If you care for your fellow humans (siblings, co-workers, cousins, strangers, friends you haven’t met yet), you’ll congratulate them when it’s appropriate. I used to be jealous when another single mom would meet someone and get married within a few months.

First of all, I felt envious they found love so easily. I spent 14 long, lonely, painful years before meeting the Babe. I didn’t know I was picking from the wrong basket. You only know what you know. Until you learn better. I hadn’t learned better yet.

Second, I thought you could make a terrible mistake by not really knowing the person. Six months isn’t knowing them. The first year you’re both on your good behavior. The second, you settle into everyday living. A lot is revealed during those months. Comes around year three of dating (or living together by now), and the person you think the world of is finally themselves. And so are you. If you both are faithful (a deal breaker for me, always), kind, helpful, equal partners in work and play, and can overlook their annoying habits (and they overlook yours!), you have a chance at having something that will last. But you both need to work hard at it.

This is all based on my personal experience, and I’m glad it took me so long. Marriage is hard enough without raising a blended family. I believe we would have been good parents/stepparents to each other’s kids. And it still would have been hard. This way, there was no, “Your kid, my kid,” arguments. Just being realistic, folks. Don’t jump in too fast. Too many people do.

It’s human to feel a twinge of envy now and again. It’s when we give into it, it becomes a problem. It causes a lot of negativity, most of which, none of us needs. It’s a slippery slope, my friends. When we question the good that befalls one of our friends, why not also question the tragedy and troubles that happen to other friends? We certainly don’t want those difficulties. Let’s learn to be gracious for good happening for our friends, and be kind and caring walking through their troubles with them. Don’t abandon them! Walk through it with them and they should do the same for you. True friends do. Soulmates do, too.

If I were to name a theme song for myself, I think it would be the Beatles’ “Let It Be.” When you really think about it, so little in life is worth arguing about. Don’t get me wrong, I get angry, I stand for myself, and I’m quick to say, “Let’s not argue about that, it just isn’t worth it.” Most of it isn’t. Criticizing someone isn’t worth the time, and I don’t care to listen to it, either. Mom has a bad habit of criticizing morbidly obese people. I tell her it just doesn’t matter, she shouldn’t be critical. I’m amazed for the trouble she has with her vision, she can see things like that and express an opinion. It just isn’t worth discussing, in my opinion. I won’t. End of story.

I’m trying very hard to overlook that part of her personality, it’s part of passed down brokenness from her side of the family. I broke the that tradition, as has my brother Tim. Of course, it’s easier since I have no sisters. Are women worse about being catty than men are? Whatever, I’m choosing to take Dad’s point of view. “You don’t know what’s going on with them. Always give the benefit of the doubt.” Do it. You’ll feel better!

Thanks for reading, I appreciate it. I’m almost caught up on the VFW Post 2503 website and Facebook pages. Today will free up a lot of time and tasks on the to do list. And I can get back to my books. See you tomorrow!