Smothering Our Loved Ones

Have you ever thought you could absolutely help someone manage their life if they would only do certain things in a certain way, and the results would be magnificent? Dream on!

We like to think we would be the difference that brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, sister, or child would need to quit doing all the things we know are causing their troubles in life. Nothing could be further from the truth!

If we have a situation that needs correcting in our personal lives, we need to handle it. If we are unfortunate enough to be the Adult Child of an Alcoholic, we have some distorted views of what is going on, what is wrong with that picture, and how we can repair it. Guess again.

I remember Mom thinking Dad would say something to one of my brothers about their drinking/carousing/etc., and Dad never did. Mom was on the warpath, but it did no good. It wasn’t Dad’s fault. Dad left it to each individual to check themselves. Mom was also an ACOA, so her perception was skewed. It wasn’t her fault.

Dad was right. No amount of someone else getting involved would resolve another’s issues. Period. It was a hard lesson to learn; I was co-dependent up until about 1995. I firmly believed if I could only love someone enough, they would realize they needed to change. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Once I came to my senses, it became clear I knew nothing about many things I thought I understood. I’m not responsible for anyone else’s behavior. Not even my kids, now that they’re adults. Whew! How great! The pressure was way too much.

What I have finally learned is I can offer to walk with people. They can work on themselves, and I have no responsibility whatsoever for their outcomes. I’m so relieved! As a kid, I thought I could make a difference in Mom’s happiness if I just acted super good all the time. Nope, I didn’t realize it had nothing to do with me. And that’s about as basic as it gets. My first husband had his issues, having nothing to do with me. No matter how much I did for him, I couldn’t love him into being more adult than he was at 19 years old. Or 29 years old. It was up to him.

This afternoon, the Babe and I were in a room with a group of great people, gathered for a cause. The 50 Mile Walk is starting it’s third year in the Omaha Area. Jay Miralles is the founder and coordinator. It is an honor to be associated with him, and with the organization he founded. The walk will be held in August, 2022, and will benefit Moving Veterans Forward and Guitars for Vets, among others. The walkers will follow a route from Lincoln to Omaha. Pledges are made and collected. The generous pledges donated $137,000 last year. Our goal this year is $200,000. Stay tuned for more information! It’s an amazing event.

I hope you were able to enjoy this glorious day. The Babe and I are working on a lot of things for the VFW Post and other things. It’s been a busy day, and we’ll be back it tomorrow morning. Have a beautiful evening, and we’ll see each other tomorrow. Take care, be safe.

Submission Guidelines

I’m getting ready to do a thing. I mentioned earlier the Voices from the Plains Anthology by the Nebraska Writers Guild is accepting submissions for their Fifth Volumes from now until September 11, 2021. I decided to submit the first chapter of my novel this year. I’m excited and almost dreading it at the same time. Why? It’s kind of like being naked at 90th & Dodge Streets at rush hour. On the sidewalk, not in your car. And at the same time, I’m not nervous. Whatever happens will happen, I can guarantee it. It’ll be ok.

The story about my first seeing an anthology happened about three years ago. The Babe and I were driving back from Colorado and stopped at a roadside building. It was an old abandoned Burger King from the look of the building. We really appreciated the nice lady who tended the store. There were books, and of course, I had to look

I’ve always liked getting books out on our travels. I have one about the big fire at Yellowstone National Park in 1988, and I have one about the life of Walt Disney. Both fascinated me. I believe Disney would be disappointed with the amount of money people have to pay to enter each part; I don’t think over $100 per day was in his initial plan.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

Among this little former bookstore turned rest stop offerings was a volume of the Anthology published by the Nebraska Writers Guild. It was that book that led me to joining the guild, connecting with people, and getting started on this journey. I love how it started since I deeply believe God gives you nudges throughout life. This was a huge nudge, and I investigated all about writing. Well, not everything. But you get my drift. It’s free to submit poetry, essays, short stories, etc.

I plan to check the chapter a few times with Pro Writing Aid and on my own. I will submit it by September 1, or sooner, if I feel it’s ready. Then we wait. I’m super excited about the process. The book will publish around Deember 1. I’ll keep you in the loop!

In two hours, the Babe and I will go to Nebraska Brewing Company, in LaVista, Nebraska. We will be in the crowd welcoming walkers who walked 50 miles overnight, from Lincoln to Omaha. The purpose of the walk is to raise awareness to PTSD, homelessness, and other issues our Veterans deal with on a daily basis. With the terrible events this week in Afghanistan, there is a definite uptick in our Veterans needing help. Triggers are very real for them. They aren’t just drama in a movie. They are real terrors that are triggered and must be dealt with in order to live their lives. They sacrificed for us, and now it’s our turn to sacrifice for them. If you’re in the Omaha area, come on out. Our friends from VFW Post 2503 will be there, too. It’s the least we can do for them.

Meantime, I’m going to edit and re-edit my Chapter. Thank you for reading, I believe by the end of this calendar year great things are going to be happening. Stick around, we’ll go on this journey together. See you tomorrow!

p.s. If you’d like to donate to the 50 Mile Walk benefitting Guitars for Vets and Moving Veterans Forward, go to www.givebutter.com and donate!. At this moment, they have raised their goal, let’s help them go over by a bunch! Thank you, and you’re all the greatest!

Saturday and Sunday Fun!

Guilty for playing hooky yesterday! It was such a fun morning!

A VFW member had a guitar he wanted to donate to Guitars for Vets, Nebraska. I couldn’t attend one of their meetings until yesterday to meet Peggy Frye Ullom and drop off the guitar. David J Mike and I met before, and he greeted me with a warm hug, as did Jim. Nice, nice people.

After meeting Peggy, she asked if I wanted to hang out for awhile. I did. Lucky me! They were rehearsing for their two hour set, which is going on at this minute. In Papillion, Nebraska, at Veterans Park. Their music will continue all day long and into the early night, to bring attention to Veteran PTSD.

The organization, Guitars for Vets accepts Veterans with a medical diagnosis of PTSD. Often, they spend time talking about their situations as well as learning their music. The relationships built between Veterans has always amazed. It’s one of the utmost of trust, camaraderie, and knowing. They have to trust their peers have their backs; the stories they share (good and bad) are relatable to all of them; and they all know what each other have been through. PTSD is very common during the summer, often triggered by fireworks. Sad we celebrate that way.

They understand the nightmares, the haunting visions, the triggers they each carry. And they accept each other. They support each other. It’s a beautiful thing to observe. I always see them at the VFW. It makes me think of my dad and his brothers, all Veterans, all honorable men. Dad and Uncle Joe Jewell served in WWII and Korea. Uncle Bob served in Korea too. Their formal photos all hung in Grandma’s living room as long as I can remember.

Uncle Joe Conrad served in the Navy. He looks so dashing in his photos. Like a movie star! He was on the USS Essex. His brother Bob and a man we know from the VFW Post were all stationed together. I was thrilled to hear that story from Bob Blakeman after Uncle Joe died. Bob had health issues preventing him from attending the funeral, but he gave me the gift of that story, that connection. He passed shortly after that, as did Bob Conrad. I think of them in heaven, all restored to whatever life in heaven looks like, and it makes me smile. That Veterans bond never ends. It defies death.

If you are in driving distance to the Papillion Nebraska area, road trip yourselves up here or down here and sit and listen to these fabulous musicians. The healing power of music has saved me many, many times. Through hard times and good times. Music is always there. And it heals hearts and souls. The schedule of performers is on their FB page, Jimmy Weber is performing last, and he will close with his version of TAPS. Have a hanky ready. It’s very powerful. Come out, enjoy the nice summer day; get some joy from the music, make some new friends, and learn what Guitars for Vets does for our Veterans. We owe it to them to support them in any way possible.

Monday Reflections

During our working lives, we live for the weekends. Well, not everyone does, but it’s thought to be that way. I think it may be the advertising world who paints that picture. How awful we all appear to hate our jobs, sleep-walking through the week to make the weekend last longer than it does. The thing we do to earn a living is an afterthought. We regard the place we spend 40 + hours a week with disdain. What happened to doing what you love? Can a Boomer do what they love? Or is that only for our children and grandchildren?

Sometimes I daydream about life as an author and of earning a living as one. Since I was a single Mom, I had to go with a steady income and good benefits. Those two things were musts. And it made sense. Mom stated, “My grandchildren will starve!” when I told her I was filing for divorce. They didn’t, by the way. I had to make a go of it on my own. Determined to make it, I looked ahead. I accomplished much more than I thought I would. I’m so grateful for all of it. The highs and lows. The good and the bad. I learned from it all.

Today, I am also reflecting on the fun we had this weekend. The Post Car Show was very successful. 128 cars entered. We sold food and drink. People were so happy to be outside again. The weather was overcast and perfect. The Babe and I had fun Saturday with grandson Gavin. Life can be so good, can’t it? With the warm feeling in my heart, I go forward to another day to create and learn. Blessings abound.

For today, I need to concentrate on making it a productive day. The recliner and NETFLIX or Amazon Prime are calling, but I must not answer that call! Right now is the time to put some thoughts into action. We need to act in order to gather momentum. We can be grumpy or act as if we’re not. Acting “as if” we’re not changes our attitude. It improves dramatically. Wallowing in the negative only hurts us. Inaction stalls us. Hoping alone will not make things happen, having faith and putting in the work does.

For today, although I do not feel productive, I will put in work and change my mind from wanting to relax to accomplishing something. As I see the results from consciously changing my mind to accomplishing, I feel productive. And so it goes. What will YOU accomplish today?

Thank you for reading today. I appreciate it. I hope you all have a productive day doing whatever you wish to accomplish. Let’s compare notes tomorrow. Be Kind. Be Courteous. Be Careful out there.

BELOW: Just a couple cars and motorcycle; David Mike of Guitars for Vets, Nebraska

Overflowing with Gratitude Thursday

Sometimes you have to find another word for Thankful. So, it’s an overflowing with gratitude Thursday. The Babe and I saw our friends at the VFW Post last night. Everyone is well as far as COVID-19 goes, so that’s a good thing. We do have a gentleman in our group who is seeing a return of his cancer. Along with his dementia, it’s really a labor of love for his wife. It has to be hard to be watchful every moment of every day. It’s sad, he had such a dry sense of humor. He still does, it’s just tucked away in there somewhere. I hope God keeps him safe from any harm, and he makes the way easier for his wife. Prayers are always appreciated. Nugent and Lora are their names. Thanks.

One thing has never occurred to me in my whole life. How fireworks affect a combat veteran. What a terrible experience that must be, to have PTSD and be triggered by fireworks. Aside from “ooohs” and “aahhhs” for the first spectacular ones, I really don’t care for them anymore myself. We’ve had several dogs who are afraid, and that can be bad for the pet and their surroundings. No one considers the veterans, though.

Here is a link to a You Tube video explaining a little about the connection between fireworks and PTSD. Although the video is produced in South Carolina and lists their VA as a contact, feel free to contact the VA in your area. In Nebraska, it is: VA Medical Center, 4101 Woolworth Ave, Omaha, Ne 68105. The phone number is: (402) 346-8800.

There are a number of differing opinions about PTSD and Veterans. An organization has created yard signs asking for compassion with fireworks, as a Veteran resides at the home. Military.com has lambasted the signs and organization. It says if your PTSD is so bad you can’t go to work after July 4, or if you need total quiet to function, you need more help than a sign can offer. True. I believe it’s up to no one to judge the situation. Please, make that call to your local VA. They can get you headed in the best direction. There are many organizations who help veterans cope. Locally, we have a “Guitars for Vets” group. There is a national group, “Hunting with Soldiers.” It sounds as if there is a place among those who “get it” for anyone who wants or needs that place. Get there. Soon. You’ll be glad you did.

Back to the matters at hand. My current work, “The Freeing of Katie Fitzgibbons,” is underway. I need to investigate the genre of Creative Non-Fiction. Truthfully, I cannot believe there are so many genres and variations thereof. Way different than when we were kids. Anyone know of a great reference tool for Creative Non-Fiction? The more I can learn, the better off I’ll be, and so will you, my readers.

I’m finding bits and pieces about writing Creative Non-Fiction. Things such as: vulnerability and honesty are crucial to writing it well; don’t give advice; watch your tense; zoom in on action; ruthlessly cut-back the story; stick to tone-setting details; unexpected, w/punch. I like this one the best: Treat your past self with dignity. We should always do that, I believe.

And the five R’s of Creative Non-Fiction? Real life, Research, wRite, Reflect, Read. Clear as mud, right? I’m with you on that. It sounds as if elements of great fiction writing are present in the writing of CNF. That appeals to me. More reading ahead, as I learn what to do, then do it.

Time to go do some errands with the Babe. Thank you for reading, I appreciate it. I’ll be here again tomorrow, and hope to see you here tomorrow. Have a good Thursday, be grateful. Wash Up, Show Up, Be Uplifting, and Wear your mask! I want to keep you all for a long time.