Happy Valentine’s Day After!

Whether you’re a couple, single, divorced, widowed, or single by choice, this is a day of love for everyone.

I was single for a lot of Valentine’s Days, folks. I hated it. Nothing made you feel more like a loser than sitting at work, seeing every other female in the North Tower of the “Twin Towers,” across the street from the old W Dale Clark Library in Downtown, Omaha than Valentine’s Day.

I didn’t mind women receiving flowers. But when I heard women say things like, “He’d BETTER send me flowers!” Like they insist on it, or they’ll be hell to pay. I just thought there’s no way I’d tell a mate that or even behave that way. I thought it was terrible.

Kind of like when a woman said, “My husband makes my lunches for me every day,” then cussed him out because he forgot lettuce. Really? How ungrateful is my take on all of that.

Sometimes, I receive flowers. Other times, I buy them for the Babe. Sometimes we don’t get out to get each other cards. It’s nice to be remembered. But what is love at this point in our lives?

We’ll be married 25 years this October. Truth be told, I’m just glad the Babe hasn’t had a heart attack/etc yet. I’m tickled to have him still here with me! He’s happy still being here, too! What did we do today?

I’m piecing together the big appliqued dog row, and couldn’t get something right again. We were sitting on the couch, I was holding the quilt and the row of blocks sewn together. The Babe said, “Let’s go lay it out on the bed!” Ok, I scurried into the bedroom. We laid out the part of the quilt that was already together, and I laid another row across. Checked the directions, he provided feedback, I agreed, decided which part to trip out, and my problem was solved.

What other husband, a former labor supervisor, concrete block delivery supervisor, manly man who managed the facility at 144 & Giles Road, Omaha, NE, who is a man among men, Vietnam combat veteran, and not afraid to love his wife, would help me out this way? No one, I got the best one for me! That made up the best Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever had. I have no photos; there was no delivery fee, no up-charge for delivery, no price increase just because, and won’t have to throw it away when it wilts and dies.

What I do have is support in my work, a second opinion where it’s needed, and a calming force when I’m about to lose my mind. That is what love is. You want the best from your partner, because the better they are, the better your relationship is. The better your relationship is, the better you both become. And I do the same for him. Even when you can’t imagine loving your person more, it happens; love deepens and grows. There is room to fill in your hearts.

I hope that for each and every one of you. Have another beautiful day of love. See you tomorrow!

The Last Day of January, 2023

If you live in Nebraska or any state north of there, you know what I’m talking about.

This morning, when I opened the inside door to let the dogs out, the combination door to the outside was frosted over. Not just on the glass, but on all the metal, too. It was about zero degrees out. And don’t touch it with wet fingers – or your tongue.

Yes, it’s that cold out. The possibility for frigid temps, snow, and bad weather exists for another couple of months. We have lots of things to take care of inside until springtime comes along. There are lots of books, projects, and writing to do.

For the first month of 2023, I made a decision for my future. The art/drawing/painting bug has been biting me since I went with my friend Lora last summer to see Van Gogh. I have not started yet, but hope to by March 1. February 1, I’m taking out my kid book again and begin to edit the long passages.

The hardest part of me with a kid book is to learn most parents don’t want a book to last more than about five minutes. They’re too busy to read. That makes me sad, but I can’t change that.

The quilts are coming along nicely. I am learning to accept the fact I only think I can finish things quicker than I do. It’s hard, but it’s better than driving myself crazy. It’s part of learning to accept ourselves. I have to accept every part of myself to let the creative vibes do their thing. The clearer my strong points become, the better to capitalize on them.

I am very much almost right on with my Goodreads Reading Challenge for 2023. I started Colleen Hoover’s, “All Your Perfects.” I’m about 1/3 way in so far, and I’m thinking it may only take a day or two to finish it. Some of her books are a little hard to follow; I think that was maybe because I was probably much older than her fans who read the books/trilogy. I’m guessing she also wrote these books earlier in her life. The combination could be why I had some difficulty being interested in the story about very young love, first apartments, first breakups.

I’ve repeatedly read about the more you read, the better you will write. I’m all for that. I do love to read. And learning all throughout life helps us create keys to different parts of ourselves. Some keys open doors we’d rather not open. They can stay closed. The keys that open doors to new adventures, new people, new discoveries. Those are the doors we want to open. They exist to enhance our lives. I think we all want to do this.

We need to stop talking ourselves out of living our dreams. Trying things we’ve always wondered if we could do or not. We are not too old. It is never too late. Start putting our dreams into action. It feels so good! Begin today! See you tomorrow.

November 20, 2022; Sunday

While other writers and author-types are deep into NaNoWriMo, feverishly writing to reach the 50K word finish-line on 11/30/2022, I’m on the sidelines, and working feverishly to complete two twin sized quilts for our grandchildren in Colorado. It’s coming along nicely, and the Babe is going to visit our son & family on the east coast, so the pups and I will have 5 days of sewing, with no interruptions or things to take our mind off of the tasks at hand. (Hah!)

I’m delighted, we’ve made it to #1000followers. YES! Yesterday, the count was #1002followers. I think some folks sign up and then change their minds. It’s all good, you know? But as of this moment, we are at #1000followers. I’m over the moon!

As with quilting, writing, living, and all the other things people occupy themselves with, we set goals to achieve, and work to accomplish them. We decide on a path, we learn how to achieve it, and we want to follow through to completion. Yes, we’re full of resolve, and learning new skills, and eager to get going. We have confidence and visions of glory. We’re going to kick butt, aren’t we? You betcha!

And so, the battle begins. The battle between our resolve and our actual getting-stuff-done-energy. We lose steam, and may not get all the reading research done, we don’t write the 1,667 words every day in November, and we just get lost. We don’t want to perform. The goal was stupid. We were stupid. The thought of us publishing a book was stupid.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The goal is not stupid. You are not stupid. Publishing a book is certainly not stupid. You have to work to achieve it, but you really can do it. It’s never too late! The new diet isn’t really that hard, you are on the right path, we need to keep up with our exercise classes even though our muscles are sore.

The thing we need to remember, it’s easy start a project, diet, new habit, new hobby, or even new relationship. The real challenge is persisting with any of them. Accomplishing is much harder than beginning. It doesn’t take money, good looks, intelligence, social standing, or personal favors to achieve anything. It takes persistence more than anything else. We are all capable to being persistent. We are equal as far as that goes, and we have no one to credit but ourselves if we stop before we achieve our goals. Just keep going. The one who persists wins. Period.

Have a beautiful Sunday. Make sure you work to keep your task “fun.” However you can do it, make sure it’s fun. See you tomorrow.

Faults v. Virtues

When you think of yourself, what comes to mind first?

“I could lose 30 pounds.”

“I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

“I’m a terrible Mom.”

As a child, we’re often taught not to talk about our abilities. “Don’t be conceited,” they tell us. “It’s not polite.” Especially for a girl. I remember reading in a Catholic Girl (was that the title? don’t remember for sure) Magazine, it was stressing the duty of the girl to remain “pure” in mind, body, and heart. Part of the duty was to praise the boyfriend, and be his lovely assistant in everything, to know their place. We didn’t hear “Good Job!” every time we did something. Some of us were told a “B” wasn’t good enough, it should have been an “A”.

Wow, that was the late 50s and early 60s for you. No more. We weren’t supposed to be smarter than the boys, or stronger, or better at doing anything. Wow. There are many very intelligent women, strong women, who are the best at what they do. How sad we were instructed to dumb ourselves down. How can we live fully is we pretend to be less than what we actually are?

I, for one, hadn’t a clue what I was going to do with the rest of my life after the kids grew up. I didn’t want to hover over them, after all, you have them to send them out into the world. I loved my kids to pieces, and knew I was happiest with them. I couldn’t keep having kids because I didn’t have a life plan.

Making the decision to go to community college was the best thing I ever did. Having a lot of interests made it a little harder to decide what to do. I decided on Medical Secretary. I earned a certificate, but found a job at ConAgra. Lots of on the job training by observing a huge business working. It was amazing.

I took many business classes and was finally offered a programmer trainee position if I completed a certification program for a year. I would have been crazy not to do it. It launched me way further than I could have imagined.

By learning I had value, talents, abilities, I experienced a lot of growth as a person and in my career. I finally knew I did a good job. While I think kids may not need constant praise, I believe some is needed. Too many wounded adults are walking the earth. Many others don’t realize they are. We need to learn to accept our virtues and talents. Otherwise we can be overwhelmed by our faults. Those two sentences from Robert G. Coleman leapt of the page at me this morning. So many of us spend time tabulating our faults. We need to tally our virtues. Take some time doing that today. Do it every day. Be fair. You will discover your worth.

Self deprecation can be funny, we need to laugh at ourselves. Taken too far, it’s not good. It’s only recognizing part of ourselves. We need to recognize all that we are in order to become all we can. Don’t let your faults define you and your legacy. Start today. Appreciate yourself. And make it a habit.

Have a beautiful day. It’s lovely outside in the shade. Going to check the plants now. Be safe. See you tomorrow.

Be Bold.

Oh dear. When I was growing up in the 50s and 60s, girls weren’t supposed to be bold. That was taken as impolite back in the day. We couldn’t question anyone, since our fathers, mothers, teachers, and anyone else knew what was best for us. And, if you didn’t marry by about 25, you were destined to be an Old Maid. Sad, eh? Oh, and when you got married, the man was the head of the house, and you were the heart. Wow. Well, I didn’t make a good choice in husband, and I found a voice and disagreed with his decision making. About everything. Money, kids, everything. I wanted to get a job at a doctor’s office. He laughed. We went to counseling. We got divorced. I got a job, an education, bought my own home, and have had a very happy life.

It was the first time I chose to be bold. I could no longer be passive. It gave me a terribly nervous stomach, muscle spasms in my gut, and the feeling I would throw up all the time. Stress. Everyone’s friend. That stopped when he moved out. Ah, peace at last.

Of course, there were other stresses; money, visitation, all sorts of things. And it all worked out. What I loved about it was no one was questioning, arguing, poking fun at my decisions. It was peaceful. I could breathe again. I became better at making choices in everyday living and I gained confidence and energy. It was a lot of hard work, and worth every bit of it. I am a grateful woman.

It does take courage. It also requires patience. Patience with yourself, your decision making skills, your development of those skills and others, and the navigation needed to change your route when needed. I never thought about it that much before, but it was brave, and hard, and lonely. I’m so grateful. I learned to recognize opportunities and later learned to create my own opportunities. God led me to a wonderful life.

I like to share that growth process with people now. I’m not describing situations I’ve experienced to gain sympathy or place blame. I describe it because I remember feeling as if I didn’t belong; funny thing was, I didn’t. Still don’t. But now I know why. It’s because I’m the one to break the curse, the tradition, the same way of doing things. I have different attitudes about everything than my mom does; it’s part of why we clash. She tries to make me like her, I resist. Always have. I need to be me. It will always be that way. I think a great deal about how what I say may make someone feel. No, it’s not my job to preserve their feelings. I do, however, need to be kind and sensitive.

I had a visit with my friend who had the stroke a couple month ago; she is home and seems to be doing quite well. I’m so glad for her. I’ll see her more often now. I miss seeing her every week like we did before. Probably since about 2013 we’ve seen each other once a week. It won’t be like it was, it’ll be a new way. We had square donuts. There is honestly a place in Omaha who makes them square. Actually a good idea, four extra bites. Nothing to turn your nose up to.

It looks as if it may rain again this afternoon. I feel a tiny nap coming on. Just enough to clear my head. Hope you have a great rest of the day. See you tomorrow.