Turnarounds and Puzzles

Ever hear of the comeback kid? Right now, it’s a hardcore punk band formed in Canada in 2001. Previously, there was a rom com starring John Ritter, about a baseball player. Generally, the term is used to describe someone who can be down and out, gather momentum, then be on top of the world.

I became a comeback kid many times during my life. After my divorce; after I graduated from college in 1996 while in my 40s; after the Babe and I married; and now, the hole left after raising kids and watching grandkids grow up is filled with my writing. I need to incorporate many other things into my time, so I get caught up with my hobbies. It could happen.

In order to be a comeback kid, you have to be present during the down and out time. You have to hang in there to fully enjoy the comeback. You can’t be a spectator during the momentum gathering. You have to do the work. You have to stay on top of it. Only then, will you have a chance of being on top of the world. Whatever conflict there is, you have to endure it. It’s not easy, but it is worth it. I know. I’ve done it many times. You can too.

People are capable of change, it can happen at any time of life. They have to want to change, make new habits, visit new places. I grew up uncertain how to participate in conflict. I never heard our parents argue, I experienced angry silences and didn’t learn until adulthood that was conflict. Probably the worst kind to have. My ex grew up in a home with lots of arguing and wouldn’t even have a conversation about a difference of opinion. Neither of us were equipped to have a conflict, work it out, then go on. I saw family members cut others out of their lives when they were angry. That’s unhealthy. I think the term, “They’re dead to me!” originated, not in a mobster movie.

Present day, I’m grateful to have learned how to disagree with someone. I am very conscious sometimes it needs to be low key, sometimes, you need to raise your voice. I try to only go there if necessary. We’re all still learning, and I’m learning to let things go. That is different than overlooking things.

Some folks I need to interact with get nasty about things. That is so unhealthy. Hard to rid yourself of toxic people when they’re family, too. It’s a constant reminder of why you tried so hard to break the cycle. You have, and they don’t know how to deal with you. The same old ammunition no longer penetrates your soul. The memory of it lives. They’ll never get better, they don’t want to. You were the brave one. You figured out the puzzle of your life and how the pieces fit for you. You found your truth.

So give yourself an atta girl. You deserve it! We’ve had a great day! An old work friend from Florida is in town, so the Babe and I met him with two other people they all used to work with. We had lunch and talked about some old times. The Babe has been retired ten years. Soon, he really will be. I look forward to it.

We both have some other computer work to do for the Post, and need a little relax time, too. I cleaned up and vacuumed today, so I am going to relax a little. Hope you have a day filled with good new memories, great music, and beautiful sights. If you’re alone, not doing well, look into the eyes of a child or a dog. You’ll see the light of hope, love, and trustworthiness. They will see the same in you. Life is all a give and take. We all need to be on either end and take turns. Like a teeter totter. Give and take. Sharing.

Have a great evening, and we’ll see each other tomorrow. Stay safe.

Third Step: Don’t Take Anything Personally.

Yesterday’s Agreement, “Be Impeccable With Your Word” sets the mood for the other three agreements. Being prudent with your words, positive talk to yourself and others, helps pave the way for you to not take anything personally. How?

Remember, people say negative things when they’re not in a good space, when they feel inadequate, and they try to poison us with their venom. Don’t drink from their cup! Deflect their words, their negativity! Right back at them! Remember, this is not about you. It’s about them.

Personal importance is the place in life where people think everything is about them. And most of life just isn’t about them. It’s about each individual in their own scheme of things. The Babe knows a lot about where I am at on any given day, but he only experiences it through his perception of me. He cannot experience things as me.

If you can not take things personally in the midst of a fire fight, you have it made. Truly. Let them eat their own emotional garbage. This is particularly hard if you grew up in a household with alcoholic, narcissistic adults. It takes more of a conscious effort to not take things personally. Still, it’s about them, not you. This one was hard for me. I’m getting much better at it.

If you react when someone is talking, thinking what they’re talking about is about you, you start a lot of conflict. Conflict over your position on any topic, how they violate you, how you’re too busy, how you think you’re complying with what they want, on and on and on. Back the truck up. It’s not about you. It’s never about you. Why do you think you are so important? Why so defensive? What makes you think it’s about you when probably three people in the room are as guilty as you are. They’re simply solving a group problem. Don’t muddy it up.

When you stop taking issue with what other people say, think, express, and do, you free yourself of a whole bunch of negative behaviors. Envy is gone. Your jealousy and anger are gone, too. Wouldn’t that be nice? You no longer react. You don’t get angry. What a difference in everyone’s life, especially yours.

This is short, but has much food for thought. No, we won’t master these overnight. I think they make perfect sense towards living a better life, don’t you? There will be two more blogs about the last two agreements, tomorrow and Friday. Then I can let you in on a couple things that are pretty exciting. Life is getting better every day. Hope yours is too. See you tomorrow.