If Nothing Changes . . .

Nothing Changes.

You may bemoan your situation. You may absolutely abhor how your spouse treats you, where you live, and the fact you are always broke. Complaining doesn’t help change the situation. Do you have any ideas on how to change it? What do you need to do to change it? Where do you start? When? How?

It’s difficult changing yourself and your circumstances. Many of us prefer to complain rather than change. Fear keeps us from moving and growing. It’s taken me quite a while to figure out what to spend my time with since I’ve retired from the working world. There are so many creative things I want to do starting now.

Being back at my sewing machine working on the kids’ quilts has made me very contented, deep in my soul. Part of the reason is the quilts are for the grandkids. Part is the act of creating plants a satisfaction in me that is the equivalent of music to my ears. I believe it’s the best “high” there is. Nothing like it. Try it. You’ll like it.

Do we want to stay in an environment that stifles us? Chances are we’re not in an environment that encourages growth. Why would you want to change when everyone else is just fine? You’ll upset everyone and create chaos. Don’t let them try to make you feel guilty. If you want change, you deserve change. Go for it.

If something changes, other things may need to change, too. If no one but you do the work around the house, that needs to change. Everyone should help around the house. Yes, even the kids. There are lists of age-appropriate chores for pre-schoolers. Print one off, and we’ll start checking those chores off!

Yes, change is good. It is critical for development. There is a stop to stagnation. It’s necessary for growth. Once you get used to encouraging it, you’ll welcome it. Try it.

Stay safe out there today. We had some winter weather overnight. And we’ve got a date for tomorrow. Take care.

Monday, Monday & Anger

We’re still decluttering and talking about how to both know what’s going on with everything in the household. Ever since we got married, we kept our finances separate. We both had debts that took a while to pay down. By then, the kids needed legitimate help once in a while, and we just kept things separate.

Since we’re both in our 70s now, we decided it’s a good idea to fill each other in on our separate debts, regular payments, etc. This revelation shocked some folks, but it works for us. It’s worked for nearly 25 years, no need to change it now. Soon, we’ll both be on point to take something out of our retirement accounts annually. I love we have always been able to trust each other with everything. Assets, money, retirement, fidelity, relationships with opposite-sex friends, the whole nine yards. It is a gift that keeps giving.

I feel as if I’m behind with the Artist’s Way this week. I’m creating like crazy on the quilt for grandson Cody, and we’re getting a lot of little things completed along the way. We thought the Christmas tree would be in the box by dinner time today, but no, that didn’t happen. We’ve decided we’re pleased with the results of our extra attention we’re paying to our home now. It’s making our surroundings more comfortable and productive.

I’m glad our dad always insisted we learn to pay attention to what goes on around us. Pay attention to people, traffic, other people walking, whatever is going on. We grew up in a world and neighborhood where all the neighbors knew each other, where it was safe to ride our bikes to the library or the park.

My kids pay attention like I did as a kid. While driving them to school one day many years ago, one of them talked about the beautiful sunrise we could see daily; complete with a couple clouds, orange and crimson streaks, for effect. It was after my dad died. Nick said, “This reminds me of when Grandpa had us watch Bob Ross paint on television.” Yes. He certainly paid attention. I want to paint scenes like that. I will. Just follow along, it will happen.

I need to devote more time to the lessons in the Artist’s Way. This week is about anger. This is a tough feeling for me. Like most women my age, they taught us to not show anger. Nice girls and women do not get angry. Control your temper, ladies. This was not true in our home. Our mom was frequently angry. I did not know why, I just felt responsible. This was what she experienced growing up. Yelling is how she cleared the air. I would quietly go to my room and hide out until I had to come out. Walking on eggshells is not a way to live. I was such a nervous kid, always afraid I did something wrong. I shrunk up and tried to be invisible. Anger should not be the only emotion kids witness.

The proper way to deal with anger is to use it for good. If you are a person who blows up and yells at everything, you need to learn why you do this and learn what you need to do to handle the feelings causing this before you cause harm to others in your family, especially children. Mom still goes through her “rant and rave” sessions. And it still makes me feel like I did something wrong. It’s different from “venting,” it’s damaging to relationships, your personal life, spaces, and other people.

What Cameron says about anger is huge. Anger is fuel, it’s a map, it is to be listened to. Anger is a map. To show you where you need to go next; it shows what you need to change boundary-wise. It points the way, not just a finger. If Mom, stressed and angry, should have used the anger to see what the problem was and how she could correct it. She didn’t know any better.

Problem was, the dysfunction took over, just as she witnessed as a child; yelling and shouting was the learned response. It is one of the worst ways to handle the situation. But they didn’t know any better. It would have been a healthier response to think about the stress, overwhelm, and problem. Handle it constructively.

During this time era, people kept secrets. Secrets about everything. Domestic violence. Infidelity. Mental Health issues. Special needs children. Children who had learning disabilities. And stresses/problems of stay at home moms. No one admitted to any problems.

I didn’t have a blueprint for what to do when your kids grew up. I’ve had a hard time when they’ve all left, which is what I raised them to do. Even with the Babe in my life, I missed those kids so bad. I still do, but differently. I’ve never insisted they come on holidays when others may need their presence too. They all know they’re welcome anytime. But where did that leave me? All we can do is carve out a niche for us and furnish it with what we need.

All of this is uncharted territory. Find what you get angry about and figure out how to stop it. There was a time in my life that I, too, yelled at my kids. My mom was angry, and I didn’t want that to happen to me. My unhappy first marriage caused my anger. I filed for divorce and stopped the destructive behavior. I became very calm and happy. It was amazing. I didn’t end up an angry woman. Grateful.

I will take this unit to heart. Recovering a sense of power is important. I am aware of my power and I want to use it to the max. We’ll see how the week goes. We’re supposed to get some snow this week. I’m happy. It is winter, after all. If you’re angry, analyze where it comes from. And how to re-direct it. You may get some answers you didn’t bargain for. Have a happy Monday, and we’ll see you tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving, 2022 #1141posts, #1000followers

May you all have blessings to count, people to love, and folks to celebrate with. This year is a little different for us, the Babe is in Maryland with Grandson Joell, for the holiday and Joell’s birthday Saturday. I have a quilt to finish and another one to make, so I stayed here. I’m cooking, and my oldest son Frankie is coming over for dinner and visiting. It’ll be nice.

I’m grateful for all of you 1000 followers, after #1141 posts, and we are growing every day. That makes the writing every day worth it. Building that habit has helped get my writing out there, and we’ll keep adding more followers and get those books published. The goal for this next several months of work will be not only to publish the children’s book, but to have a book launch, complete with autographing them to some of my favorite children. What fun!

After dropping the Babe off at the airport, I stopped to see Mom for awhile. She had such a lot of stories to tell; my younger brothers are such good men. They’re helping her get her Christmas trees lit, decorated, and she’s in heaven. She shared last time I was there, it could be her last Christmas, we never know. She is certainly feeling festive. Glad she loves the season so much. She, her mother, and sisters, all loved Christmas and all that goes with it. Decorating being high on the list.

As I listened to her tales of the last couple weeks, I couldn’t help but smile. Memories of previous holidays when my brothers and I all lived at home ran through my mind. I thought of the year she sewed all the Barbie wardrobe for me; the year brother Tom and I received ice skates, and all the years in between. She always put love into the holidays. The stuff that didn’t go well wasn’t in her control. We all do the best we can do with what we know at the time.

Therein lies the rub; if we don’t know any better, we can’t be held to a better outcome. When we know better, however, we must improve the outcome. We must improve the situation, and break the ties that have bound us to the status quo. Time for a new way of doing things.

No quilting took place yesterday, I spent the day in the kitchen. The meals from Green Chef Keto Dinners piled up, and I had three meals to cook off before the produce went bad. Another Green Chef delivery came yesterday, so I had to use up the older stuff first. Today will be devoted to turkey and all the trimmings. Leftovers for Friday, and then, back to the Green Chef. Yes, it should work.

Hopefully, you’ll share some time with family and/or friends today, and experience gratitude. The pause during this fall season is good for reflection and defining how to proceed into the next season of our lives. New adventures or hobbies could await you; reading some books or introspection may offer you some guidance to better spend your time. It’s the time to look ahead, making you the best you can be. Let’s proceed together, keeping each other company all the way. Works for me! See you tomorrow.

Happy Wednesday!

It was an early start at the Home Office in Gretna, Nebraska. It was zero dark thirty, I swear! The coffee was dark and strong, the cream sweet, and the conversation was good for it being 6 a.m. The Babe had an early appointment with the VA, so he had to leave super early. I was convinced all day it was Monday again. How does that happen?

I worked more on the quilt blocks for Kayla. I am having fun learning the stitches to applique the pieces down. I’ve missed the hum of the machine. My thoughts go to a creative world full of colors, shapes, textures, and all sorts of beautiful garments, quilts, and decor. The time just flies.

My goal is to have this quilt pieced and maybe layered and pinned for quilting. Then, cut out Cody’s blocks, pieces, appliques. Assemble it and quilt them both during October. AND get back to my children’s book, once the quilts are well in hand.

The month of November is NaNoWriMo. It is a stretch of 30 days dedicated to writing 50,000 words. This will be back on my novel. To prep for this, I’m reading the book, “Wired for Story.” It is about using brain science and writing to hook readers with the very first sentence. I think it sounds fascinating, and I hope to learn a lot from this 250 page book.

All of these ideas are how I plan to spend the next few months, creating, writing, quilting, and other things I love. I’m so fortunate to have interests I enjoy. I just don’t seem to have enough time to do everything I hope to see through to completion.

Hope you have a pleasant evening (It’s getting dark out by 7 p.m. here in Nebraska)! The temperature was 100 yesterday, and about 65 today. We’re looking towards the cooler days and finding more time to spend with each other. The Babe is heading towards his second retirement (From the VFW) in six or seven months. In the meantime, he’s going to do most of his work from home, and only be at the office when necessary. It’s going to be another change for us. At least we like each other (now!) See you tomorrow!

It’s a creative mess in here! I love it. Out of the chaos comes creations. Quilts, kid books, a novel, clothes.

I love the warning when the bobbin is about to run out!

Monday Evening

It has been a very long day today. Mom had a PT appointment, (her last one), and she seems to get more frail every time I take her out. She tries to fool the therapist, but doesn’t. Those therapists weren’t born yesterday, even though they are young. (Everyone is young when you’re 93)!

I would guess nearly every older person thinks they can put one over on those young therapists. My niece Terri, who has done all my PT over the years, knows all the excuses, stories, etc. I went for so long for so many different issues I know I couldn’t fool her even now, nor would I want to. Mom’s biggest fear is she’ll have to leave her home. My childhood friend Peggy said her mom was the same way. Her mom acclimated eventually.

Mom has no inkling of making friends her age. For over 50 years, she’s insisted she’s not “old.” I hate to tell her, but now she is. I’m getting there, 23 years younger than she is. But I’m not trying to fool anyone, either. Least of all myself.

You’re as old as you act, right? Well, no. Acting immature isn’t going to make you younger, just immature. Thinking young, being open to new ideas, and joyfully learning new things is a great way to keep younger. Our Grandma Jewell and her sister Anna were pretty progressive thinkers. When wire rimmed glasses came back in style in the 60s, along with longer hair, they told our dad there wasn’t a lot long with that. They did draw the line when one brother had hair way past his shoulders and wore a ponytail. They thought that was a bit much.

Sometimes, we need to step back and re-evaluate what we value, what we want to associate ourselves with. Sometimes, we need a whole new way of thinking about life in order to resolve an old problem we have. Instead of divorcing a mate, sometimes we need to divorce our parents way of doing things: by repeating behavior patterns we learned at home, we are not thinking about how to make our relationships work, we are simply repeating their mistakes. That modeled behavior is deadly to relationships. You must be open minded enough to try something new. It’s so crazy, it just might work! It’s worth a try.

As a new day dawns tomorrow, try a different way of thinking. It certainly can’t hurt. You might even like it. Look ahead, eagerly, to a new way. Enjoy, and we’ll see each other tomorrow.

Tuesday Thoughts

Well, it’s another day of challenges with the temporary crown that is, well, extremely temporary. I had it glued back in yesterday. By this morning, I opened my mouth to talk, and it fell out. Yep. Just glad I didn’t swallow it. I could have run to the dentist this morning, but we had some frozen precipitation (a/k/a ice pellets), and a lot of accidents. Just didn’t want to go anywhere. I go tomorrow at 3 to have it glued in again. The dentist isn’t to blame for it. It just happens. The prepped area needs to be covered to protect the nerves, which are just below the surface.

Tomorrow are a couple of appointments, writing the blog, and in between, lots of waiting. I’m reading a book by Anne Lamott called, “Bird by Bird.” It’s about life and writing. I look forward to spending time with since I’ve heard wonderful things.

Habit and routine seem to dictate our pattern of living, whether they’re good or bad. They make humans for growth and change. But, it nothing changes, nothing changes. Our patterns may be stagnant, along with our thinking and spirits. If we eat at Burger King every day, burgers, fries, malts, and we sit at a desk job, with no exercise, we may soon be uncomfortable, feel terrible, and act terrible. If we want a better situation, health, and well-being, we need to change our habits.

When our distress causes us to look for change, we go to self-help books, the gym, our therapists, our friends, anyone who may suggest things we don’t know. We need to change those habits and thinking. By challenging our thinking, our habitat, our friends, our way of life, we will stretch and grow to new heights. Change can be frightening and exhilarating, all at the same time. Once you get used to it, you look forward to it. Life is cyclical, and I believe humans grow and change with it. Learning new things is part of what makes life the joy is supposed to be. Too many people stubbornly hold on to the old way out of fear. Learning to let those fears go is key to making the changes we need for a fulfilling life.

What can we think of changing to create new, healthier habits? Better ways to spend our time? Better ways to spend our money? It’s amazing what we can do when we put our fears aside. Think about it. And we’ll visit more tomorrow.

What’s the Worst That Can Happen?

Living a life in which you never change. You always eat meatloaf on Tuesday. You work for the same company for more than 30 years and you hate your job, but you’re scared to leave the company. You withdraw from any new person, idea, way of doing things. You criticize anyone who does things differently than you do, even if they achieve the same result. Why is change so crippling to some people?

More of the same produces more of the same. What is keeping us from trying something different, especially if we’re not happy with how things are going in our lives. The more we practice something, the deeper it’s ingrained in us. The deeper the roots, the more difficult change can be. That said, it’s not impossible to change. It takes an awareness at what may be causing a problem. If it’s behavior related, we can investigate which changes we would consider making.

Why do we do the things we do in the way we do them? Are we critical of others? We probably learned that growing up. We can stop that. It takes a different mindset.

Do we have a quick temper at little things? Did we observe this growing up? Holding your temper can take some time, we need to change attitudes toward these minor inconveniences before we can control our temper. Mom used to get very angry at little things. A glass of milk spilled at dinner just sent her into a tailspin. We had a real wood kitchen table which she always covered with a tablecloth. Every night (nearly) one of my little brothers spilled their milk. Mom would go beserk. It’s not like he did it on purpose. Mom lectured while insisting the wet tablecloth be removed immediately. It was stripped off, all the plates, silverware, and other glasses were moved frantically to get the tablecloth removed before the wood was ruined.

Looking back, I seriously doubt the wood table would have been ruined if the milk soaked tablecloth was left while we finished eating. She waxed the heck out of it frequently. Wouldn’t the wax offer some protection? I often wished we had a table made of some other material. Needless to say, mealtime was not happy in our house. Dad didn’t like us talking (arguing, goofing around, etc.) while eating, as he would go to work immediately after dinner. Mealtime conversation has been difficult for me to master, and I’m still working on it. I definitely know it was stressful as kids. Dad didn’t say anything, but often, he would stab at his food, and that meant we needed to immediately zip it, knock it off, cease and desist.

Mealtime wasn’t happy while I was married the first time. Kids don’t eat everything you set before them. Sometimes they do, but mosty not. My kid’s father would eat his food, then start eating the food off the kid’s plates. They were nowhere finished, as kids eat slowly. At times, they would cry and ask Dad to “Stop!” I would get mad. His take was he was right to do what he was doing, since they wouldn’t eat everything and he wanted to eat it while it was still hot. Remember, there were few microwaves before 1982. We did not have one.

Mealtime became peaceful once their dad left. Peace at last. It took guts on my part to end that marriage. I’m so glad I did it, unpopular as my decision was. I never looked back. My kids eventually understood. Best scary thing I ever did. There were plenty more scary decisions, made with much thought and risk. It worked. The change was a great one, I’m happier than I ever could have been. God gave me everything I needed to be strong and learn what I needed to.

What about you? Was there something in your childhood that was a pattern of behavior where you were afraid or upset about? Whatever caused that behavior, make sure it doesn’t happen in your home, under your watch. You can change it. You have the power to do it. I support you and your effort. Take the chance, make your life happier.

Tomorrow starts a busy week. The Honor Guard always has six funerals booked through the VFW. It amazes me how many people are affected by these deaths, and the vast number of Veterans who are buried at the Omaha National Cemetery. The grounds are beautiful and hallowed. I appreciate the Honor Guard and it’s important work. I have some emails that need to go out to my new artist and events to update on the Post website. I’m going to add some pages to my website as well. What good work will you do this week? Thanks for reading and we’ll see you tomorrow!

Heroes

We don’t give ourselves enough credit. We should be our own heroes. I grew up in a time when we were discouraged from talking about ourselves, especially as a girl, and not to get too full of ourselves. It’s a whole new way of doing things nowadays. Kids are praised for everything, constantly. Is it too much? Do they grow up thinking they are perfect? Some do, in my opinion.

How do we learn to give more credit to ourselves (the boomers) and raise kids/grandkids who aren’t full of themselves. It’s a definite challenge with the kids. On one hand, they are at all to stand in a gym full of people at the age of six and sing solo, or speak, or act. They need to be prepared though, for the days they’re told no, when things don’t go their ways, and when someone else beats them out of a trophy, or someone else gets a job/promotion/or something else they want more than anything.

Sometimes, I’m glad I didn’t lead a charmed life, and had some of the life disappointments I had. I knew things would not always turn out the way I willed them to do. I also could handle it. I hope kids learn to do that. I hope it wouldn’t immediately throw them into feeling so badly about themselves and their abilities that they may hurt themselves or worse. And I hope their parents can “take it” too. A parent putting pressure and guilt on a child can have devastating consequences on that child.

People who do the simple, everyday, acts of kindness are sometimes bigger heroes than those who run into danger to rescue us from fires and crazies. The people who work everyday to support their families during these times are quiet heroes. I think of my dad when I think of those people. He was always a steady, familiar force while we had him. After we found out about his many medals from the military (two Bronze Stars, from WWII and Korea), His status rose further in our eyes.

When we do what we are supposed to do, instead of simply doing what we want, we should be our own heroes. I’m serious! Saying “NO” to ourselves is brave. It’s how we’ll progress and how our lives will change. Others are not the only ones we should say “NO” to; sometimes, we need to say it to ourselves.

Case in point? I have finally finished taking ornaments off the tree and have them ready to put on the storage shelves. I put it off from last week. I found the couch too comfy. I found the new books I read over the weekend too good. I was not my own hero. I will be when this is all stowed, because I’ll be in much better shape than I was a year ago. Last year, things were haphazardly put away, and now they’re not. It’s all orderly. I’m proud of that small victory.

We practice detachment from the excuses we’ve made previously, and we begin to make way for new habits, new hobbies, new people. And discipline we haven’t had before. We might have weird feelings while we lose the bad habit, the procrastinating gene of our makeup, but in the end, it will feel like normal when we stick to it. We will have a surer sense of mission, purpose, and fulfillment. Great things will happen. Try it. See you tomorrow!

The Journey.

It took years, but going from a scared younger woman with anxiety affecting my health to an older woman, president of her own company, author, story teller, and deeply grateful friend of many is a great reward for about forty years of very hard work. It was lonely at first. I was late to the women’s movement, but grateful for the laws that were changed. I am not in favor of preferring women over men, I believe the opportunities should be equal. In IT they are, and that is where I was lucky to spend the bulk of my career up to 2000. The people I know now are all so supportive, teachers of my craft, and mentors for my business. Although I’m approaching another major decade in age, my world is expanding. It’s exciting!

I was unhappy for years. I was becoming my mother, which I adamantly did not want to be. She was angry all the time from raising all of us basically alone since Dad worked nights and slept days. Mine, I know for sure it was from the condition of my marriage. It wasn’t a partnership, it was a dictatorship. After my husband was gone for about six months, my neighbor friend told me, “I see you smiling all the time. When we moved in last summer, always looked angry. Now, you are happy.” WOW! That probably says it all.

The other thing showing me how bad it really was? I was on Valium for years. My stomach had spasms from the stress I was living with. It was an era of mother’s little helper prescribed by doctors and sung about by the Rolling Stones. I stopped the meds. No more nervous stomach. I divorced my stomach ache. Of course, I did love him, once upon a time. I wish him no ill will. I am so happy without him.

I probably had OCD; at night, every single Fisher Price little person had to be with their set, I would tear the house apart to find them. I didn’t realize it was OCD. I also had PTSD from my son’s drowning. We didn’t hear of PTSD for more than twenty years. The advice from the doctor; “you just have to think of something else.” Tell my brain about that. When I see a child drowning on the news all these 44 years later, my stomach falls. It is simply part of my life which I’m comfortable with. My son survived and is normal, no after effects. Grateful beyond measure.

There have been many, many hard months. Heck, hard years. It’s not easy to raise three kids alone, get your bachelor’s degree, and work full time. My folks watched my kids a lot, and I’m so grateful for that. Many professors along the way made big differences in my thinking and outlook. It’s all been such a growth opportunity, I don’t see autumn coming for at least another ten years or so. It’s very good.

The Babe is such a perfect partner for me. We work very well together. Sure, it’s not perfect, but you learn which battles to pick. Not the nit-picking ones. I remind myself before I criticize out loud that, “someday, I’ll miss that.” And can stop myself. Being a grown up is good most of the time.

Today, I’m emailing my children’s book to another artist. We will meet in person about it tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it. Today is a catch up day for the house and the Post communications. In fact, one email I need to send is about our communications! In the meantime, it’s another cold day in Nebraska, even though they’re touting the 50 degree temp expected. It’s still January during the winter in Nebraska. The day’s are short and it’s a cold 50.

The story continues. Thank you for joining me on the journey! See you tomorrow!

Looking for Answers in New Places

Sometimes, old answers aren’t the right ones. If you do something a certain way because you’ve always done it that way before, don’t be surprised when the results are the same. We need to be brave and look for new ways to do things. Yes, it can be very uncomfortable, can’t it?

Finding different solutions to old problems and having positive results is life changing. We may feel some guilt because we abandoned the way of our parents and others, and they may criticize us for not remembering where we came from. We are at the point where we remember perfectly well where we came from. We are choosing to look for a solution, a new way of doing things. We want things to work where we have seen them fail before. When we’re successful, it makes people who settle for the old ways are upset. Gosh, you may make them look at themselves and evaluate their life and things that are not working.

It can be isolating to be the one who tries a new way of thinking, living, and solving problems. It can also be freeing, discovering your own way. Your own answers. Your own truth. It can lead you to a whole new life, new friends, and a positive outlook that sets you on a path of discovery, creativity, and a fulfilling life. Living a Great Story should be the goal of all of us.

We owe it to ourselves to be our best version of ourselves. We do that with personal growth, experiencing life on our own terms, and contributing to our surrounding communities. Getting out of our own head helps us to overcome our difficulties, heal our heartaches, and be good citizens of our earth. Thinking before reacting is new territory for us. It takes practice, over and over again. The ineffective habits we had before leave us the more we do new things, in new ways. It’s very satisfying. Try it, you’ll like it!

Sorry to be so short today, just kind of distracted. Hope you have a beautiful day and see you tomorrow.