Self-Defeating Behavior

It’s that time of year again. No, not autumn, but the daily reading today reminds me of some classic Adult Children of Alcoholics abilities – to see such doom and gloom into our futures we likely don’t want to think about the future. Some of us in the family have learned that’s no way to live, yet others still persist. Let me assure you, it’s much better on the positive side of this trait.

We quote Mark Twain as saying, “I am an old man and I have known many troubles, but most of them never happened.” Read that again. I’ll wait. And again if you need to. We have imaginations that blow the wheels off our positivity trains. This is the classic shooting yourself in the foot behavior. We destroy our plans before we even begin with them. Whatever it is, we derail our voyage and wallow. I’d venture a guess 99% of these terrible troubles never happen. We just defeated ourselves.

People do it all the time. It doesn’t matter if it’s creativity or writing a book or everyday life. Stop it! We need to keep a positive attitude, knowing that is half the battle sometimes. Within ourselves. No monster out there can sabotage us as well as we can. We can spend out lives dreading that which doesn’t exist and very possibly never will. Think about that. The moral of this story?

Don’t Borrow Trouble From Tomorrow.

Having human natures, we can’t help but act like them. I do have some dread with dealing with some people, usually unfounded. The dysfunctional people who are still in my life either behave like they usually do or they surprise me. Sometimes the dread is warranted, sometimes it isn’t. Gas-lighters can surprise you at times; never enough to trust them again. Just be smart.

On a much brighter note, we spent the evening with family again last night. Dinner was fabulous. The kids are so fun. And a handsome lot.

From left; Joell, Addison, Gavin. Joell has turned into a young man. No more kid left in either him or Addison. Gavin may have a time left, but not much yet! Can you tell they’re all quite comfy in front of the camera? These may be the most photographed kids in the world. And I get to be their bonus Grandma. What a lucky woman I am. Do you have any bonus grands, or nieces/nephews/etc.? We enjoy spending time with our future!

Day #3 with Beastly allergies is off to a better start. I’m hoping for some rest later after a visit with Mom and her new occupational therapist. It’ll be busy and crazy for Mom, then we’re planning a trip to Hobby Lobby next week. She considers it a must for her annual Christmas decorating marathon. She will likely supervise this year. Whatever makes her happy at this point.

I hope you enjoy your day. Do something kind for someone. Give a hug to someone who needs one. You get one, too! Thanks for being here, and see you tomorrow.

Don’t Be That Guy

People may doubt what I say, but they always believe what I do.” – Ellie E.

We all know people who talk a much better story than they act. You never know whether to believe them. They may be angry if you don’t believe them. They shouldn’t be, really, if they never follow through on their promises or talk.

Actions speak louder than words. I’ve always had a thing about people’s actions not matching their words. If you say “I’m going to take you out for your birthday,” I would expect you to follow through. You are not a man or a woman of your word. It tells me I cannot trust you.

After my first marriage ended, people who over promised and under delivered troubled me. It was a common thing among some people I knew back then. I was naïve to think everyone was honest and kept their word. Not so. I became so distrustful I felt no one was honest anymore. Then, I met the Babe. He told the truth, still does, and honors his promises. Every single one of them.

During the “get to know you time,” we talked about relationships we had previously. He honestly told me his first marriage ended because he drank. The second ended because he quit. It doesn’t get more honest than that, now does it? He had nothing to hide or prove. I remained skeptical and finally tore down that wall. It’s rubble. No need for it anymore.

Work on becoming a person of your word. Start with small things. Learn to trust yourself at your word. Daily practice makes it become easier with time. Don’t be the person with empty promises. Follow through isn’t just important in baseball or golf. It is in life, too.

When people can’t believe themselves, it is very hard to convince others when you commit to something. If we want to be believed, we need to follow through. If we are against domestic violence, we need to speak out if we see someone in harm’s way. Bullies are everywhere. Defend those who cannot defend themselves. By your actions you gain credibility. You build trust. You find you do and can keep your word. Your life improves because of it.

“A Matter of Trust” is one of my favorite Billy Joel songs. I saw him in concert once, and he opened with this song. It was after he married Christie Brinkley and they had their baby girl, Alexa. Although their marriage did not last, this is still a great song and the words speak to me. Enjoy and pay attention to the words.

As you continue your day, remember how important it is to make your actions match your words. Don’t make any promises you have no intention of keeping. Build trust by keeping your word. Be Kind. Be Honest. Be Truthful. Follow Through. Make it a great day! Thank you for reading. See you tomorrow. That, you can count on!