Dateline

NBC’s Dateline is a show that grabs my interest every time. Any show that is a whodunit is a must see or must read. Yes, I am drawn to those stories. I marvel at how people think they are too smart, too thorough to be caught. Every darned time. I can see where it’s hard to determine guilt or innocence sometimes, and every single criminal claims they didn’t do it.

Some prisoners can be innocent. It happens a lot. There are many organizations formed to investigate cases. Sometimes they find the original evidence is flawed, and others find the case should stand.

From what I’ve seen on most of these shows, it’s rare when granted a new trial, the bad guy goes free. I’m glad, too. It is my belief the justice system works. I know for some it doesn’t. I trust the police, but not our politicians. What do you think about this?

The story Sunday night is one that is old but frequent. Husband kills wife. They were in Europe and the police believed her husband’s story of suicide. Her dad figured it out when he saw her claw marks on the roof. Her hands torn up from the rough shingles.

We lived near some people who had a troubled marriage. The Babe and I had an uneasy feeling about the husband. He acted like an 8-year-old kid instead of a 38-year-old man. Later, their house went up for sale, and sold immediately. The couple were ready to split. They were living in the same house, and their last night there, before giving up possession of their home and moving to two separate apartments. His mother spent the night in their home with one of the two kids. They stayed in the basement. The couple slept together.

The next morning, his mother came upstairs, curious why they weren’t up yet. She went to the second floor but found a note on the stairs. “Do not come up. Call the police and wait down here.”

She called 911. The sheriff found the couple dead; a murder-suicide. He strangled his wife with a zip tie. Whenever I see one, I think of them. He shot himself with a shotgun. I don’t know why the noise caused the mother to see what it was. Their daughter spent the night with a friend, and their son was with the grandma.

What a horrible memory to have. What a horrible event for those children and their grandma. The husband was a narcissist. He exhibited a terrible desire to control her. Even at a neighborhood picnic. Inappropriate PDAs in front of everyone. That poor woman.

When I think of them now, I pray for their kids. I pray she is in eternal peace. It’s come up again since the murderer’s name was Craig. So was the former neighbor.

The people who bought the house still moved in. They had a priest bless their house and had it painted a calming blue. I’m glad they did that. Life has gone on in that neighborhood, in that house. I’m glad we weren’t close friends with the couple who died. It was bad enough being collateral acquaintances. I hope none of you have to go through that and be any part of that chaos.

Have a beautiful Monday. It’s the start of a brand new week, and in two days will be the start of a brand new month. Let’s use it well! Thank you for reading, and we’ll see each other tomorrow. Be safe.

TGIF! And the Grieving Process

I know, usually the day of the week doesn’t matter that much to me. This week has been very hard, and I’m so grateful it’s over and I don’t have to leave the house today. Boring, normal chores around the house are welcomed today. I’m grateful to be able to do them, after watching my friend Janet lost everything to ALS. It puts life in perspective. Right now, I’m so grateful, I don’t mind dusting, vacuuming, and all that goes with living.

Grief wears many, many faces. The experts call them “stages.” One resource names only five stages, another names seven. However many there are, they include: DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE. For the list of seven, add SHOCK, and PROCESSING THE GRIEF.

Whatever the stages are, we all will go through them. Right now, I’m probably in acceptance. Easy for me, but probably far off for family and closer friends. I’ve talked before about the worst year of my life, 1988. I lost my best friend in June, my grandma, and ex-father-in-law in September, we found out Dad had cancer in October, and he died December 7. It was a lot to process. Too much.

It lead to my breaking up with a three year boyfriend. When my friend died, he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t “over it” in a couple of weeks. I was astounded. Goodbye, George. I’m so glad we bid each other farewell. I could not have handled him during my dad’s illness and death.

That was the first time I experienced a different kind of grief. The bone-chilling, gut-wrenching pain. I know of no other way to describe it. You just want it to end. It doesn’t. You learn to ride the waves of all the feelings, and gradually learn to deal with the roller coaster ride. Eventually, it does become easier to handle. You need to reach the point of accepting and continuing your life, growth, and path.

If you need any written materials to help you learn more about your grief and how to live with it, visit my friends at the Centering Corporation. They are the experts on grief and healing, with more than twenty years experience helping people. They have a whole store of information about the grieving process in any situation. Tell them I sent you.

It’s been the kind of week we are glad is over. At the same time, it’s made us aware how very fragile life is. Give some love to your people today, and remember; we’ll see each other tomorrow. Take care.

(Mumbling) Monday?

It could have been. It very easily could have been. Instead, I forgave myself for being human. For sometimes forgetting where I’ve put things. It’s happened a couple times. The first time, I found what I was looking for by simply moving something else. Like magic! There it was.

The second time wasn’t as magical. I emptied the middle desk drawer in the Babe’s office, and for the life of me, I couldn’t find our Safe Deposit Keys. Oh boy, this will be expensive. Not good. I proceeded to beat myself up, which was old behavior. I could feel my normal good mood start to ebb. It’s going to be rain all day, don’t need it to be in a bad mood! NO! I called the Babe.

He immediately encouraged me. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s ok. Really? Well, yes. Yes it is. Not a big deal. I came in off the ledge. As we were talking, I mentioned some things we had at home that I would place back in the Safe Deposit Box. Passports. Other important papers. I went to the jewelry armoire and opened the bottom drawer. I removed the travel belt I received from a friend’s belongings after she died. It has two pockets. One pocket had the Passports. The other? It had the Bank Envelope with the Safe Deposit Box Keys in it. I thanked our friend Sharon Reidmann over and over for helping St. Anthony find my “lost” items. Whew! I can almost hear Sharon tell me, “You need to be neater.” True. I do. Working on it.

Note to self: Start writing down where we hide stuff. We’re getting to that age where we honestly may not remember everything as we used to. Better safe than sorry! My Catholic upbringing yielded a quick prayer to the Saint in charge of lost items. We Catholics have a Saint for everything. Thank goodness. Not sure who the Saint is for memory. Anyone?

Easter will be upon us in another couple weeks. Growing up Catholic, we learned about all the days surrounding Easter. Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and how we remembered each of them on their own special days. There was a lot of ritual connected with them, and somehow, I miss all that. My older brother was an altar boy, I was a choir girl, and our presence was expected at all these ceremonies. We were there, front and center.

Two years in a row, my mother became deathly ill, and we went to stay at our Grandma Jewell’s, while Mom was in the hospital. First time, on Palm Sunday, she had a bad gall bladder attack. She had surgery the next day, and was hospitalized for over a week. The Second time, she was hospitalized and put in traction for her back. Bed rest and traction, along with muscle relaxers ruled her life for another week. She repeatedly counted the tiles in the ceiling. She truly thought she’d go insane.

We attended Grandma’s Church for all the services on those special days. We must have been out of school, but I truly don’t recall getting the whole week off, usually we had school Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and were out Thursday and Friday. Grandpa had already passed away, so I know he wasn’t available to take us to school. I’ll have to check on those details.

When the third year rolled around, we were wondering what would cause Mom to be hospitalized that year? It became sort of a joke, wondering what would happen next. Nothing ever did. Good thing, Dad was lost without her to keep the house running smoothly. She did a good job.

As I remain grateful for finding my lost item, thank you for reading today. Take it easy on yourself first. Then a deep breath and calm down. You will find what is lost, even if it’s yourself! Thank you for reading. I appreciate it more than you know. Find some brightness in this gloomy day. The grass will need mowing if the rain keeps up! Take care of each other out there. Be Kind. Be Safe. Be Courteous. See you tomorrow!

Aaaannndd It’s Monday Again

I just looked at my personal email and decided nothing was super important. Then I looked at my business e-mail and see it’s off to the races again. I’m getting better at rejecting a lot of training, but some are still relevant. If I sign up for mostly free Zoom instruction, I usually learn one thing I didn’t know before, so I consider it an excellent investment of time. Today, I am watching Jerry Jenkins talking about Getting Published this Year, 2021. He ought to know- he wrote the “Left Behind” series, which published back in the 90s, I believe. It dealt with Jesus’ return to earth in present time. Can you imagine?

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

I’ve included a picture of our dear Roxie as today’s Header photo. I received a notice today from WordPress. It’s already been two years since I set up my domain! I didn’t really start writing with any frequency until we lost Roxie later that year in July. In this photo, she is holding onto her bone so Lexie won’t get it away from her. I thought it was a hilarious look on her face. It still is. I miss her. I know Lexie does. She howls and whimpers from time to time. She never did that before. Poor girl!

My handy daily meditation book had a couple of thoughtful topics over the last two days. One dealt with the human tendency to take on undeserved guilt. I did that my whole childhood and continued it until probably twenty years ago. If Mom was mad, I thought it was my fault. She could be mad at my brothers, but I felt I had to make her happy. That’s not a good way to be. It’s not ego driven, it’s a codependent reaction. It made me feel bad about myself when I couldn’t do what I thought I should do. Little did I realize it had nothing to do with me.

The second meditation was good, too. It started with the famous Yogi Berra quote:

“It Ain’t Over ’til It’s Over.”

A few days ago, I was too tired, overwhelmed, and had a day of constant interruptions. I considered quitting writing and just doing my usual creative endeavors (which I miss a lot)! I’ve never backed down from anything in my life. Every challenge strengthened me. I can’t quit now, I have a lot to offer as writing about people, their hurts and problems, and how they solve their issues. Human interest, if you will. The Babe and I talked about it, he said, “You can’t just quit.” Bless his heart. He is a gem, I am holding onto him with both hands!

So here I sit again today, in the Home Office in Gretna, Nebraska, writing my blog and getting ready to edit my last chapter to make sure I include all my plot points. Today’s meditation? Also apt for me.

“Growth is the only evidence of life.”

Truth be told, it is probably apt for quite a few of us today and every day. We are meant to grow. Not so much in size (some of us have a time, don’t we?), but in spirit, intelligence, experiences, and everything else that makes us who we are. We cannot get someone else to do it. It’s not like shoveling the snow or mowing the lawn. We can pay someone else to do that. We can’t pay someone to do our personal growth for us. It’s as easy and hard as that. We must do it for ourselves.

This is one reason I love to read. Unfortunately, I read a lot of books for learning; all this week, I’m reading one or two just for the fun of it. The fun of reading. The balance for the work I hope to accomplish this year is play and laughter. Laughter helps everything go better. It reduces stress. It cheers us. Our personal growth is our own responsibility. What are you doing to make sure you’re doing your part? We need to keep fueling the fires of growth until we take our last breath. Stretch out, shake off the fear, and take a deep breath. Soon, you will look forward to it, instead of fearing it. You’ll be able to do far more than you ever dreamed.

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Only 30 minutes until my hour Zoom class. I will get my novel written this year! Hope Jerry Jenkins has some tips that make a difference. Have a day full of growth, enrichment, and forgiveness. Be the Change. Meet in the middle. Let’s be safe out there. Be kind. See you tomorrow! Thanks for reading.