In dealing with other people, I’ve read it’s important to keep these three C’s in mind:
You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.
Wish I’d known this years ago. In my codependence years, I thought if I was just “better” I could make Mom happier. Then she wouldn’t be so upset at everything all the time. I stayed in my room a lot, to be in the quiet. And through life, there have been those less than good relationships with the same cause (codependency) where I truly believed if I helped them, they would want a better life. Nothing is further from the truth.
I’m talking boyfriends, relatives, friends, many folks who just seem to need something they don’t have. Truth of the matter is, they caused their problems; controlled them; and they were the only ones who could cure them. End of conversation. Nothing was my fault. As a parting shot, many a codependent boyfriend tells a girlfriend like me, “It’s your fault. You’re a nag. Gained weight. You think you’re better than anyone.” Nope. Not buying it. Never again. Their excuses and addictions are the product of their poor decisions. Nothing else.
So, what can I control? Not much, but for my mood, thoughts, actions. You know, the usual. I’ve written I’ve been off all week. Maybe I found a cure. I sewed together 42 beautiful quilt blocks this morning. There are six rows of twelve each. I’m trimming threads and going to press them later. Then, they go up on the design wall downstairs in the “bedroom.” I’ll show you tomorrow. Truth is, I was losing my hope. I could have worried about the grandkids all over the country. Instead, I did something I’ve been missing a lot. Want to re-sharpen those skills up before beginning my grandkids’ quilts for Christmas.
I am doing something positive and my heart feels better; less burdened, more hopeful, and happier. I didn’t cause this. I cannot fix it, nor can I cure it. I can only do what I can do to heal my part of it. It’s really all any of us can do.
Of course, you’re entitled to opinions of what we should do. We’re not entitled to be hostile towards each other because of it. Let’s all work at making our part of the world kinder, at least for a while. Thank you for reading. See you tomorrow!
Kathy Raabe 