Smothering Our Loved Ones

Have you ever thought you could absolutely help someone manage their life if they would only do certain things in a certain way, and the results would be magnificent? Dream on!

We like to think we would be the difference that brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, sister, or child would need to quit doing all the things we know are causing their troubles in life. Nothing could be further from the truth!

If we have a situation that needs correcting in our personal lives, we need to handle it. If we are unfortunate enough to be the Adult Child of an Alcoholic, we have some distorted views of what is going on, what is wrong with that picture, and how we can repair it. Guess again.

I remember Mom thinking Dad would say something to one of my brothers about their drinking/carousing/etc., and Dad never did. Mom was on the warpath, but it did no good. It wasn’t Dad’s fault. Dad left it to each individual to check themselves. Mom was also an ACOA, so her perception was skewed. It wasn’t her fault.

Dad was right. No amount of someone else getting involved would resolve another’s issues. Period. It was a hard lesson to learn; I was co-dependent up until about 1995. I firmly believed if I could only love someone enough, they would realize they needed to change. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Once I came to my senses, it became clear I knew nothing about many things I thought I understood. I’m not responsible for anyone else’s behavior. Not even my kids, now that they’re adults. Whew! How great! The pressure was way too much.

What I have finally learned is I can offer to walk with people. They can work on themselves, and I have no responsibility whatsoever for their outcomes. I’m so relieved! As a kid, I thought I could make a difference in Mom’s happiness if I just acted super good all the time. Nope, I didn’t realize it had nothing to do with me. And that’s about as basic as it gets. My first husband had his issues, having nothing to do with me. No matter how much I did for him, I couldn’t love him into being more adult than he was at 19 years old. Or 29 years old. It was up to him.

This afternoon, the Babe and I were in a room with a group of great people, gathered for a cause. The 50 Mile Walk is starting it’s third year in the Omaha Area. Jay Miralles is the founder and coordinator. It is an honor to be associated with him, and with the organization he founded. The walk will be held in August, 2022, and will benefit Moving Veterans Forward and Guitars for Vets, among others. The walkers will follow a route from Lincoln to Omaha. Pledges are made and collected. The generous pledges donated $137,000 last year. Our goal this year is $200,000. Stay tuned for more information! It’s an amazing event.

I hope you were able to enjoy this glorious day. The Babe and I are working on a lot of things for the VFW Post and other things. It’s been a busy day, and we’ll be back it tomorrow morning. Have a beautiful evening, and we’ll see each other tomorrow. Take care, be safe.

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