It took years, but going from a scared younger woman with anxiety affecting my health to an older woman, president of her own company, author, story teller, and deeply grateful friend of many is a great reward for about forty years of very hard work. It was lonely at first. I was late to the women’s movement, but grateful for the laws that were changed. I am not in favor of preferring women over men, I believe the opportunities should be equal. In IT they are, and that is where I was lucky to spend the bulk of my career up to 2000. The people I know now are all so supportive, teachers of my craft, and mentors for my business. Although I’m approaching another major decade in age, my world is expanding. It’s exciting!
I was unhappy for years. I was becoming my mother, which I adamantly did not want to be. She was angry all the time from raising all of us basically alone since Dad worked nights and slept days. Mine, I know for sure it was from the condition of my marriage. It wasn’t a partnership, it was a dictatorship. After my husband was gone for about six months, my neighbor friend told me, “I see you smiling all the time. When we moved in last summer, always looked angry. Now, you are happy.” WOW! That probably says it all.
The other thing showing me how bad it really was? I was on Valium for years. My stomach had spasms from the stress I was living with. It was an era of mother’s little helper prescribed by doctors and sung about by the Rolling Stones. I stopped the meds. No more nervous stomach. I divorced my stomach ache. Of course, I did love him, once upon a time. I wish him no ill will. I am so happy without him.
I probably had OCD; at night, every single Fisher Price little person had to be with their set, I would tear the house apart to find them. I didn’t realize it was OCD. I also had PTSD from my son’s drowning. We didn’t hear of PTSD for more than twenty years. The advice from the doctor; “you just have to think of something else.” Tell my brain about that. When I see a child drowning on the news all these 44 years later, my stomach falls. It is simply part of my life which I’m comfortable with. My son survived and is normal, no after effects. Grateful beyond measure.
There have been many, many hard months. Heck, hard years. It’s not easy to raise three kids alone, get your bachelor’s degree, and work full time. My folks watched my kids a lot, and I’m so grateful for that. Many professors along the way made big differences in my thinking and outlook. It’s all been such a growth opportunity, I don’t see autumn coming for at least another ten years or so. It’s very good.
The Babe is such a perfect partner for me. We work very well together. Sure, it’s not perfect, but you learn which battles to pick. Not the nit-picking ones. I remind myself before I criticize out loud that, “someday, I’ll miss that.” And can stop myself. Being a grown up is good most of the time.
Today, I’m emailing my children’s book to another artist. We will meet in person about it tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it. Today is a catch up day for the house and the Post communications. In fact, one email I need to send is about our communications! In the meantime, it’s another cold day in Nebraska, even though they’re touting the 50 degree temp expected. It’s still January during the winter in Nebraska. The day’s are short and it’s a cold 50.
The story continues. Thank you for joining me on the journey! See you tomorrow!