It appears I did. We get to have grandson Gavin hang out with us Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesdays this summer, and I must have spaced off blogging. I am so sorry! I’ll try not to do that again. It is certainly not quiet in the house when the young man is over. He had a blast with Goldie. She was so happy to have a constant catch player in the house. They need to learn how to deal with each other, and I think they will have fun.
I had a great conference with my book coach Sam, on Monday morning. We talked for thirty minutes and I’ve decided to write my character Katie’s story in first person. It is tricky to show how a character feels without having the character speaking about it. This will have a lot more impact. I feel as if I’ve faltered the last couple months, while I have written, the story is not finished. Sam is directing me to put together a better outline for the story, so I can track scenes and their points, to be certain there will be resolution for all conflicts, significant growth can be identified in characters, and all the issues have been addressed properly. Makes perfect sense to me. Clear as mud.
In families that are dysfunctional it is not unusual for a child to feel responsible for the bad luck of a parent. We know that is not the fault of a child. The child may have been told things such as, “Look what you made me do!” What a burden to carry. It happens often with children of alcoholics. It steals the spontaneity of childhood and causes lack of confidence in the child. If a parent gives the child and others in the home the silent treatment, it causes lots of anxiety in the child. They may carry that insecurity for a lifetime.
They may ruin future relationships by assuming silence of their partner means the partner is angry or something is wrong. Usually, the total opposite is true. Nothing is wrong. No one is angry. The calm is unnerving and has new meaning. Nothing is wrong. And no one is angry. That’s what silence is supposed to mean. The silent treatment with a child is devastating. The silent treatment with another adult can be childish or it can be a safe boundary setting. Not speaking sets the boundary. I know of someone who said every day you never knew how the day would go until Mom either yelled and blamed you for something, or you would be suspended, waiting for the oer shoe to drop. She never stayed in a good mood for long. At any given moment, the verbal abuse would or could begin.
Please. If you care for young children, parent young children, do not punish them with blame. Do not take your anger out on them. And especially don’t stop speaking with them because you are angry. Reassurance is needed. You need it. I need it. It only takes a second. Since this pandemic has started, I think we all need to check ourselves in how we speak to each other, how we treat each other, and see if we can make improvements. It’s just the right thing to do.
It’s a dark and stormy evening here in Nebraska. Check on your loved ones. Wash your hands. Share your joy. Kiss the kids extra tonight. Let’s all be glad we are home and safe. I appreciate you reading tonight, and should be here again tomorrow. Hopefully there are no bad storms tonight that we Nebraskans need help handling the cleanup for. God Bless You All!
Kathy Raabe 